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First Blood

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 1:29 pm    Post subject: First Blood Reply with quote

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First Blood
Posted by Alex Martin (ibanez.roadstar.ii@gmail.com)
29 April 2006, 4:13 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Alex_Martin0429060413461.html
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Halo Fanatic 2006
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Joined: 17 Apr 2006
Posts: 139
Location: Azeroth, I can't find my way out!

PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 8:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked it, a lot. This folowed the story well, had excellent co-hesive propeties and had a lot of description. Great, and keep it up!

9.7/10
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Johny117
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Joined: 22 Feb 2006
Posts: 118

PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 8:16 pm    Post subject: Re: First Blood Reply with quote

Wow, that was a nice story. I enjoyed it a lot. You should write about the battle on earth.
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Penitent Tangent
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Joined: 29 Apr 2006
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 9:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Thanks for the feedback guys. As to what you said Johny, I'm already working on New Mombasa, should be done in a few days.
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Azathoth
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Joined: 22 Nov 2005
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Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 10:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very good. Code, nice plot, no super-Marines. I don't know about the bombs though. I don't think the Covenant would have attacked Spain MAC guns if they were just trying to land in Kenya. Even so, I'd like to see the next installement.
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Penitent Tangent
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Joined: 29 Apr 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 2:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

About the MAC guns, I kinda thought the same thing while I was coming up with a location, but then I noticed the locations of the platforms around the Cairo and didn't worry too much about it. For instance, the Athens and the Malta appear to only be a few miles away at the most, when on a map these cities are clearly hundreds of miles apart, and their platforms would be even farther. Also, if I recall correctly, the three platforms mentioned in the game appear to be in a geosynch orbit close to, if not over Kenya. If you look far off towards the horizon, you can see the Mediterranean Sea, where they should all roughly be.

Basically, I figured that a large number of platforms above Africa and Europe would be a threat to any approaching ships, especially when they can shoot a shell at 30% the speed of light, and there wouldn't be much of a problem with having to 'lead' a distant target. Because of that, the Covenant would feel the need to take out as many platforms as possible.
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Chiajy
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
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Location: Singapore

PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 12:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Really good! Very Happy I was not expecting anything good when I saw the title but this is great! Minor Capatalisation errors like 'Earth' not 'earth'. Also, quite realistic, it's really following the storyline. Good Job! Maybe you'll be the next HellJumper (No offence Laughing )
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Penitent Tangent
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Joined: 29 Apr 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 5:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm, I'll look into that... From what I remember, Earth is the only planet that doesn't have to be capitalized, but yeah, I missed a few capitals on ranks and such.
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Halo Fanatic 2006
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Joined: 17 Apr 2006
Posts: 139
Location: Azeroth, I can't find my way out!

PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2006 1:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Earth does have to be capitalized Penitent, it is the name of the planet and therefore must be capitallized no matter what
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Capn Rasc
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Joined: 30 Apr 2006
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Location: Cali

PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2006 2:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Unless of course your referring to the ground beneath your feet (which is the only thing Marine loves more than beer Wink )

Loved the stoy keep up the good work. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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Penitent Tangent
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Joined: 29 Apr 2006
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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2006 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, when I stopped and actually thought about it, it didn't make sense... Damn that 2nd grade teacher from so long ago...
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Delta-034
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Joined: 21 Apr 2006
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Location: Really close to Redmond

PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2006 8:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heh, I can see your confusion. It has to be capatalized if it is just the one word, i.e. 'Earth'. But if you put 'the' in front of it, it doesn't have to be capped. the earth. See?

-034
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