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A Conversation: Part Uen

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 5:31 am    Post subject: A Conversation: Part Uen Reply with quote

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A Conversation: Part Uen
Posted by Delta-034 (the.king.under.the.mountain@hotmail.com)
20 April 2006, 10:36 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Delta-0340420062236321.html
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 5:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I saw the title and a glimmer of hope appeared inside me, until I read the Uen... dunno what happened there.

This was very good for a first time, very good. Thankyou for using the Code, a bit confusing, some grammer, punctuation and spelling issues but none the less it was great for a first time. I see by your email address you like Halo a fair bit, that's also very good, welcome to HBOFF Very Happy .
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Delta-034
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Joined: 21 Apr 2006
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Location: Really close to Redmond

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 6:39 pm    Post subject: And I quote: "Part Uen" Reply with quote

Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. As for the "Part Uen" That was because I realized I didn't have enough time to make the story as complete as I had wanted. So instead I decided to make it a trilogy. Now 'part uen' was from my buchery of German (Ein, Vie, Drie) and not wanting to have "Part One" "Part Two" ect... So if you'll forgive me. I was strapped for time and couldn't come up with anything...
...more dignified.

But seriously I'm glad you liked it. Heck I'm glad someone even read the thing.

-034
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Captain Jacob Bishop
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 12:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was really good, prolly better than my first post. Like Wolf said, there were a few GPS errors, but nothing to bad. Also, I (for some reason) doubt a Spartan would be piloting a lone LongSword fighter into an entire Covenant fleet. But then again, it's your story. make it your own. Good luck with the rest of your series.
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Wellington
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A very good entry for anybody. This is written with good style, was formatted perfectly, and was paced nicely. The only technical problem I noticed were the GPS errors, of which there were too many. Species names were not capitalized, there were missing commas, and somewhere in there was a run-on sentence. A thorough proofreading should fix those small issues.

The story itself was quite interesting. You introduced the characters in such a way as to make us interested in them without straying too far off tangent. The dialogue was pretty believable and distinctly Covenant. This relic sets the base for a good plot as well. This was a good introduction to a series; just a taste of what is to come while assuring us of the quality.

Make this a little tighter and it should be great. I'll look for the next installment.

- Arthur
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Delta-034
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:03 pm    Post subject: GPS and what-not. Reply with quote

Hey, thanks for all the input. I will definately try to lock-down those GPS errors. They have never been my strong suite. Hope you like the next installments.

-034
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Chiajy
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

WOW! You sure this is your first time? Man! I only managed to write this standard when I was 11
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chiajy wrote:
WOW! You sure this is your first time? Man! I only managed to write this standard when I was 11
Is that meant to sound like your saying he sucks, or is it just how I read it?
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Chiajy
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 2:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No....I was complimenting him......I mean, he's definately younger than me and I only got to that kind of standerd when I was 11. Sry if you thought this was an insult. And I tink I was probably exageratting Embarassed It was about 12 or so.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 3:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's just that when most of us were 11 we wrote like crap, this story is rather good, I'd say the author's older than 11 or 12.
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Chiajy
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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2006 12:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh.....sry.......i guess I spoke too much... Embarassed I'm really sry!!!! Your story is great!
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Delta-034
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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2006 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heh, Commander Wolf to the rescue. Don't worry its all good.

-034
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Johny117
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PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2006 3:59 am    Post subject: Re: A Conversation: Part Uen Reply with quote

That was excellent. I think you just made my day Smile
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