HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4352

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A Conversation: Part Uen
Posted by Delta-034 (the.king.under.the.mountain@hotmail.com)
20 April 2006, 10:36 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Delta-0340420062236321.html

Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 5:48 am Post subject:

I saw the title and a glimmer of hope appeared inside me, until I read the Uen... dunno what happened there.

This was very good for a first time, very good. Thankyou for using the Code, a bit confusing, some grammer, punctuation and spelling issues but none the less it was great for a first time. I see by your email address you like Halo a fair bit, that's also very good, welcome to HBOFF Very Happy

.

Delta-034 · Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 6:39 pm Post subject: And I quote: "Part Uen"

Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. As for the "Part Uen" That was because I realized I didn't have enough time to make the story as complete as I had wanted. So instead I decided to make it a trilogy. Now 'part uen' was from my buchery of German (Ein, Vie, Drie) and not wanting to have "Part One" "Part Two" ect... So if you'll forgive me. I was strapped for time and couldn't come up with anything...
...more dignified.

But seriously I'm glad you liked it. Heck I'm glad someone even read the thing.

-034

Captain Jacob Bishop · Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 12:54 am Post subject:

That was really good, prolly better than my first post. Like Wolf said, there were a few GPS errors, but nothing to bad. Also, I (for some reason) doubt a Spartan would be piloting a lone LongSword fighter into an entire Covenant fleet. But then again, it's your story. make it your own. Good luck with the rest of your series.

Wellington · Member Joined: 30 Sep 2005 Posts: 110 Location: Canada

A very good entry for anybody. This is written with good style, was formatted perfectly, and was paced nicely. The only technical problem I noticed were the GPS errors, of which there were too many. Species names were not capitalized, there were missing commas, and somewhere in there was a run-on sentence. A thorough proofreading should fix those small issues.

The story itself was quite interesting. You introduced the characters in such a way as to make us interested in them without straying too far off tangent. The dialogue was pretty believable and distinctly Covenant. This relic sets the base for a good plot as well. This was a good introduction to a series; just a taste of what is to come while assuring us of the quality.

Make this a little tighter and it should be great. I'll look for the next installment.

- Arthur

Delta-034 · Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:03 pm Post subject: GPS and what-not.

Hey, thanks for all the input. I will definately try to lock-down those GPS errors. They have never been my strong suite. Hope you like the next installments.

-034

Chiajy · Member Joined: 23 Mar 2006 Posts: 122 Location: Singapore

WOW! You sure this is your first time? Man! I only managed to write this standard when I was 11

Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:57 am Post subject:

Chiajy · Member Joined: 23 Mar 2006 Posts: 122 Location: Singapore

No....I was complimenting him......I mean, he's definately younger than me and I only got to that kind of standerd when I was 11. Sry if you thought this was an insult. And I tink I was probably exageratting Embarassed

It was about 12 or so.

Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 3:18 am Post subject:

It's just that when most of us were 11 we wrote like crap, this story is rather good, I'd say the author's older than 11 or 12.

Chiajy · Member Joined: 23 Mar 2006 Posts: 122 Location: Singapore

oh.....sry.......i guess I spoke too much... Embarassed

I'm really sry!!!! Your story is great!

Delta-034 · Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 7:34 pm Post subject:

Heh, Commander Wolf to the rescue. Don't worry its all good.

-034

Johny117 · Member Joined: 22 Feb 2006 Posts: 118

That was excellent. I think you just made my day Smile

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