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Fade to Black
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 12:25 pm    Post subject: Fade to Black Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Fade to Black
Posted by Mainevent
7 April 2006, 2:21 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Mainevent0407060221041.html
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Odin of SoS.
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Joined: 27 Nov 2004
Posts: 85
Location: Iraq

PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 5:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey,
I haven't really read this whole series. Is it about John-117s father? Either way, it was beautifully written. I've been gone a while and you've just gotten a million times better. I'm going to have to read the whole series.
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ag1337
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Joined: 15 Mar 2006
Posts: 46
Location: In your head...torturing your mind.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 10:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, pretty cool idea for a story. I like your writing style. Very fluent and whatnot. You should strive to use the code however. Good story...
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Mainevent
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 10:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I did use the code...a lot...
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 10:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He did use the code, just cause he doesn't bold as much as you do doesn't mean he didn't Very Happy. Well written Main, I'm guessing that the last part was Talmidge, cause the second last scene was confusing for me, but I'm rather confident that Talmidge shot Black then killed the agent. Very nicely written, I liked the 'Oh God... I left my stove on?' line, it was funny but not overly so as to spoil the mood you'd set. I did find just the one slight problem with this line:"You better be right about this, because I'm not getting another chance at this." Just the repitition of 'this' was all I could pick out. Again, good work.
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ag1337
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Joined: 15 Mar 2006
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Location: In your head...torturing your mind.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 10:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am not going to bold anything anymore. I swear it. I will never bold again. Smile
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Guardian
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Joined: 26 Aug 2004
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Location: Kicked to the curb.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

dammit CDW you beat me to this.

But i'll just repeat a little; ""Oh my god...I left my stove on?"" that line is one of the most over-used lines in existence to get away from people or to create a mood of humour, it made me smile. And that's all I can give you for humour, There was a lot of residue of GPS mistakes, but whoever got rid of them did a mighty good job of covering their tracks on the clean up job.

I won't bother with you on the code crap, seeing as there was no reason to bother with that subject. I'm back Main, I'm BACK!.

Good story overall, ending left me stumped you write good stories, but some of them just leave me hanging like this one. *shrugs* write some more awesome stories like De ja Vu or your other stuff from back in the day that I can't recall any titles from. the good ones, you know the type i'm talking about.

Now go and read Lie and Wait, and comment. Guardian commands you to do it!
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was hoping it was gonna be a parody . . .
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Mainevent
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Location: Mobel, Abalama

PostPosted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There will be one final chapter to this series guys. Glad everyone has liked it so far.

Upon going back once more I somehow managed to find a few tiny repetition/GPS errors that somehow slipped by me during proofings. Just can't catch em all. Sad

As for the last and second to last scene:

At the end of the interrogation Black and Petrovoitz were escaping to the elevators. Petrovoitz got in the elevator, and Talmidge shot Black. But even though he could have, he didn't shoot Petrovoitz. He let him go, and did so with an odd smile.

At the very end it was Petrovoitz who went to the orphanage.

Hopefully that clears some stuff up for this chapter.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aha I see, I thought the agent was killed, my mistake. Well that makes it even more interestign now. Hanging out for the next one man.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

-The Event- came quickly and suddenly. A little too suddenly, but I can safely guess that was the intent of such a sudden occurrence. Shocking, shocking to the last. That's all I can say. It was pretty harsh and brutal. Very tense story. Fast and gripping.

I also like the way Darren flips through the name, misses one, and goes back. Adds a nice touch to the character.

A Hell yeah, mate!

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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Wellington
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Joined: 30 Sep 2005
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 11:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great addition, Mainevent. I loved how stylized this was; slick, almost old-timey slick at times. The action wasn't overt, just really well done, the perfect balance one seeks in literature where too much can be a very bad thing.

The twist at the end with Black's son was unexpected yet suitable. A nice backstory that hangs together very well.

Also, I liked the detail about Earl, who had likely been killed indiscriminately by Black despite being unarmed. It added a compelling dimension to the story and made the protagonist a shade more grey.

I noticed 2 mistakes:

Quote:
"You remember how this works, don't you?.


Quote:
If I live I live, if I don't I don't. It doesn't really matter anymore."


The former has an extra period, the latter 2 missing commas.

Quote:
cut the straps with his FUBAR knife.


FUBAR knife? Smile

Anyway, this has been a consistently good series with a great writing style and awesome presentation. I look forward to the denouement.
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Guardian
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2006 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wellington wrote:
FUBAR knife? Smile


FUBAR - KNIFE:
F-fun to cut with
u-utility
b-bastard sword size
a-army issue
r-razor sharp knife.

K-killer
N-ninja
I-in
F-freaking awesome
E-excitement inducing piece of metal that will give you a slow and painful death.

Honestly, I thought you would know this by now.
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 11, 2006 2:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Doesn't FUBAR mean like Fucked Up something something something?

Somebody fill in the somethings.
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 11, 2006 3:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fucked Up Beyond All Repair

Yea, I meant Ka-Bar knife. I totally spaced on that one. My bad.
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