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Shattered Glory

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 12:25 pm    Post subject: Shattered Glory Reply with quote

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Shattered Glory
Posted by pest/swingamajig (car_radical@yahoo.co.uk)
6 April 2006, 11:36 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=pestswingama0406061136071.html
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ag1337
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Joined: 15 Mar 2006
Posts: 46
Location: In your head...torturing your mind.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 10:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty good. Laughing I like the idea of Covenant ripping apart each other. Oh, and do you mean Halcyon Class Cruiser not Halogen class frigate? Well, anyway the ending was good-messed up-but still good. It's kind of funny really, how the jackal helps Tarturus yet he throws him in the cell with the elite. Haha, I wonder what would happen when the elite wakes up. Poor jackal... Crying or Very sad
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Dagorath
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Joined: 03 Apr 2005
Posts: 264
Location: Energy level 1.5

PostPosted: Tue Apr 11, 2006 3:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Right. Where to start. I liked your plot, extending a little before the start of H2, but there are some things that are out of order. For instance, I don't think the Arbiter - or what he was before - would be escorted by only two Brutes. Also, Brutes are very strong: I find it hard to believe that he can take two of them on - Tartarus included - and win. Bear that in mind.

On the canon side still, I liked the Grunts - very realistic - and the speech wasn't too bad.

Make sure you proof-read everything: there are a few GPS mistakes therein. You can use [hr] for horizontal rules if you want.
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