HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

Marooned | Chapter 1 | Field Trip
Posted by The Meep (The_Meep)
24 March 2006, 7:51 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=The_Meep0324061951221.html

[Spartan006]

Must...not...get crushed...by Text Wall...of DOOM!!!!! *Text Wall falls and crushes body, but is brought back to life to right this review.*

Okay, it wasn't all a text wall, but after your explanation of certain words it becomes a text wall. Use the CODE, it will help the readibility of your story greatly. I didn't find your story very interesting, but this could be because the only reference you made to Halo was the Covanent and a "hoola-hoop":which is obviously a halo-besides that it's got nothing to do with Halo, but you can easily fix this problem in your next story. Your story was a good length. It gets a 2/10 . Don't get angry, and give up just because this review is negative. Keep at it, and use reviews like this to improve your writing. We want you to improve. It's what we call constructive criticism.
_________________
Randomly invading your fanfiction since 2006.

[Commander Demitri Wolf]

It doesn't need to be completly about the Covenant and Halo to be Halo-related, 006, I've seen many great stories that make only subtle references, like the year it's set in, featuring an M6D etc. Don't think that a story needs to be about The MC pwning Covies on Halo to be Halo-related. About the story... You don't need that intro about the phrases, incorporate it into the story rather than tell us at the start, it takes aay greatly from the tale you're trying to tell.

As 006 said, use the Code, most people will not even read your story if it isn't formatted and paragraphed nicely, so please try and do that for us. I see that Louis mentions you on the frontpage, you submitted it seven times?!?! Crimany, thats a bloody lot, don't do that again. I'm not gonna lie and say I read the story, cause quite frankly, if it doesn't have that level of effort put into it then I couldn't care less, so please, next time, put more effort into your submission.

Read, re-read and then make sure it's not drivvel and think 'oh thats it, I like it, so who cares what you people think' cause if that's the case go and get a Freewebs site and put your stories there, we don't want them. That said, hope your next submission is better .

[Spartan006]