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Marooned | Chapter 1 | Field Trip

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 11:14 am    Post subject: Marooned | Chapter 1 | Field Trip Reply with quote

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Marooned | Chapter 1 | Field Trip
Posted by The Meep (The_Meep)
24 March 2006, 7:51 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=The_Meep0324061951221.html
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Spartan006
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Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 366
Location: On the worst internet ever...for real.

PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 10:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Must...not...get crushed...by Text Wall...of DOOM!!!!! *Text Wall falls and crushes body, but is brought back to life to right this review.*

Okay, it wasn't all a text wall, but after your explanation of certain words it becomes a text wall. Use the CODE, it will help the readibility of your story greatly. I didn't find your story very interesting, but this could be because the only reference you made to Halo was the Covanent and a "hoola-hoop":which is obviously a halo-besides that it's got nothing to do with Halo, but you can easily fix this problem in your next story. Your story was a good length. It gets a 2/10 Crying or Very sad . Don't get angry, and give up just because this review is negative. Keep at it, and use reviews like this to improve your writing. We want you to improve. It's what we call constructive criticism.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 11:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It doesn't need to be completly about the Covenant and Halo to be Halo-related, 006, I've seen many great stories that make only subtle references, like the year it's set in, featuring an M6D etc. Don't think that a story needs to be about The MC pwning Covies on Halo to be Halo-related. About the story... You don't need that intro about the phrases, incorporate it into the story rather than tell us at the start, it takes aay greatly from the tale you're trying to tell.

As 006 said, use the Code, most people will not even read your story if it isn't formatted and paragraphed nicely, so please try and do that for us. I see that Louis mentions you on the frontpage, you submitted it seven times?!?! Crimany, thats a bloody lot, don't do that again. I'm not gonna lie and say I read the story, cause quite frankly, if it doesn't have that level of effort put into it then I couldn't care less, so please, next time, put more effort into your submission.

Read, re-read and then make sure it's not drivvel and think 'oh thats it, I like it, so who cares what you people think' cause if that's the case go and get a Freewebs site and put your stories there, we don't want them. That said, hope your next submission is better Very Happy .
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Spartan006
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Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 366
Location: On the worst internet ever...for real.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 03, 2006 8:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
It doesn't need to be completly about the Covenant and Halo to be Halo-related, 006
I know it doesn't have to be totally related to Halo, or the Covenant. In fact, some of my favorite stories have almost nothing to do with Halo, but a story about a kindergarden's fieldtrip isn't really that appealing.
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