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Death Served Best Ice-cold - Part 1

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 4:04 pm    Post subject: Death Served Best Ice-cold - Part 1 Reply with quote

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Death Served Best Ice-cold - Part 1
Posted by Conrad Lauf (conniesworld_aka_hell@hotmail.com)
7 October 2004, 11:34 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=conrad_lauf.1007042334281.html
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russ687
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Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 720
Location: Daytona Beach, FL

PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 5:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Over all it was okay. There wasn't much wrong with it, but you could have done a little more, such as a better intro that described what was going on in Russia, or what they were doing before they got hit, etc.

Also, don't give every character a nickname. And finally avoid using AN (author notes) in your story; save stuff like that for the comments section here.

Keep going.

-Russ
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Conrad Lauf
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 8:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay then, I'll remember that for the next chapter.

Cheers! Very Happy
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Conrad Lauf
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 8:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Attention all readers of comments pages!
If you would like to post comments about my Fan Art, feel free to do so on my Fan Fic Comments pages.

Just type my name into the search engine at the Misc. Art page and it will come up with all my (two) pieces that I have submitted so far.

Cheers and have a good holiday- unless you live in a part of the world that's at school right now.

Conrad Lauf
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice job Conrad. Your usual smooth delivery. Interesting to see you writing something that isn't instantly wall-to-wall action, and I don't see that as a bad thing; each story has it's own personality. I would have liked a bit more of a hook at the beginning, and a little more make-you-read-the-next-one surprise at the end, but that's just me.

I have to agree with Russ about the nicknames. As for the author's note, to each his own. Russ doesn't like it, others like it, some don't care. Heck, do what you want with that, as long as you aren't using the note to get over the minimum number of words.

Again, nice one.

C.T. Clown
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MasterSushi
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Joined: 14 Sep 2004
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Location: Sitting in a chair. On my own. Eating cupcakes. And people tell me to get a life. Ha.

PostPosted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Conrad. Don't listen to Russ.
Nicknames rule. Hey you even used the coolest nickname Shadow!
(see my stories to see why Shadow rocks as a name. Ignore my first story it's crap. Check all my names on Google to!)

Ahem, anyway I like it. Mace. Cool! Nicknames rule. And Your storis nice too. Very Happy

The fish see all. Hear all. Know all. Hunt all. Kill all...
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Conrad Lauf
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 10, 2004 2:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks guys. in the next chapter, I'll just leave a couple of the nicknames, or "call-names" as they are known to the military, as I just realized that most of those names are really corny.
To Chuckles:
Yeah, writing wall-to-wall action scenes do get a bit hard to write these days, due to Hollywood already using almost all of the good action sequence ideas. And don't worry, there'll be plenty of action in about halfway through chap. 2 onwards.
To MasterSushi:
Ok, I'll check that a.s.a.p.

Cheers guys Very Happy

P.S. Please check my Fan Art! I need to know if my work sucks or not.
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MasterSushi
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Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Sitting in a chair. On my own. Eating cupcakes. And people tell me to get a life. Ha.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 11, 2004 6:50 am    Post subject: YOUR ART ROOOCCCCKKKKSSSSS!!!!! Reply with quote

Your Art Rocks!!!!
The Hunter is especially cool!
Make more! Make mooooooorrrre Very Happy

"If you thought the fish only live in the sea, you thought wrong. Ever been to a beach at night? Alone?........"
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