HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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I See You
Posted by CoLd BlooDed (broken_lizard12@hotmail.com)
15 March 2006, 11:29 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=CoLd_BlooDed0315062329171.html

SYSTEM · Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 7:41 pm Post subject:

Yes! First comment!

Almost flawless rhyming. Real great up there, the rhyming keeps time and rhythm keeps it going well. I also like the short-short-long-long stanza structure, which also keeps things going well.

Awesome, a Hell Yeah, sir!

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

Solidus Snake · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 1:19 am Post subject:

Hell yeah!!

I haven't read one in a while by you, I think.

Its good to see you're still around making kickass of all kickass fiction.

I liked this one, I was guessing Flood than in the end it was about the Gravemind. Anyways, really great peom, I also like the setup you had.

\m/

Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:37 am Post subject:

Interesting, good work CoLd, hope to see you actually writing a bit more ey Very Happy

.

Nick Kang · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 4:07 am Post subject:

Psh. And you thought you sucked at writing now. Rolling Eyes

I liked it a lot. The rhyming scheme was intriguing, to say the least. There were only a couple instances when the flow was just slightly disrupted.
_________________
Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter.

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 8:52 pm Post subject:

Thanks guys, I think I'm finally carving myself back into the writing groove, all I needed was the motivation... and The Strive to Survive; which now has been removed from my old harddrive and placed onto my new one.

So yes, expect The Strive to Survive to return and finish. Finally!

(for those of you who don't know what TStS is, check out my old stuff)

Wink

russ687 · Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 5:26 pm Post subject:

Nice job, Mr. Cold. Smile

SYSTEM · Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 9:04 pm Post subject:

And I'll put laxative in your favourite bedtime drink, then set a bear trap by your bed! Then I'll tie a string to the line, tie it to the powerwinch on a truck, and when you step in it, you'll get caught, then dragged by your leg all the way to the Dave Luck Inc. headquarters to have your brain extracted, and the story translated from its remains!

Just kidding.

One of the things I enjoyed about this poem is that... I enjoyed it.

And that reason for enjoying a piece can't be refuted, no-no-nah-uh-nope!

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

ag1337 · Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 2:42 am Post subject:

Great poem! As I read it aloud I could hear the seemingly(almost)perfect rhythm. I think it is very detailed, excellent work.

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 4:18 am Post subject:

Thanks, man. Very Happy

And Russ, it'll be longer than that. I have a project that's due this week that was assigned monday, I have a shitty math teacher and a test at the end of the week, and... yeah.

Syotica_disabled · Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 12:12 am Post subject:

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 12:38 am Post subject:

Thanks, Syotica, however...

Incited and Gravemind weren't meant to rhyme, bind and Gravemind were. Laughing

Syotica · Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 12:52 am Post subject:

Mainevent · Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 2:37 am Post subject:

Indeed, twas quite good young Padowan.

I thought there was ONE small part that seemed to lose a bit of the flow, but it quickly got back into it; so it really wasn't a big deal.

I give you an A+. Now let me go back to sleep.

Sterfrye36 · Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 4:03 am Post subject:

I'm not that great at analyzing poetry, so I won't, but I will say that I enjoyed. I almost got goosebumps (and hopefully you will when you read Longsword R: Casualty. I think it actually caused Dave to lose his childhood innocence or something. Okay, maybe not. Razz

), but not quite. I did get really close, though. Much better put together than any sorry attempt at poetry from me could possibly be. I was actually trying to think of ways I could use this thing in Longsword R, but the last line prevented that. Ah, well, it's still an excellent poem. Smile

_________________
FFPotW Winner Total: 2 (Longsword R: Midway 8/8/08 ) (The Letter 11/14/08 )
"I...have...power issues." -Phae