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A New Breed of Spartan-Chapter 1:Project Classified

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 4:03 pm    Post subject: A New Breed of Spartan-Chapter 1:Project Classified Reply with quote

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A New Breed of Spartan-Chapter 1:Project Classified
Posted by Forerunner's Advocate (sttrooper87100@yahoo.com)
5 October 2004, 6:04 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=forerunners_.1005041804282.html
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russ687
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Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 720
Location: Daytona Beach, FL

PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Clean, short and sweet...not bad. There were a few mistakes here and there: Covenant is always capitalized, grammer etc. But overall it was good.

As for my advice:

--Bold the time/location headers and make sure you put a space between it and the story.

--Be very cautious about how you write the next parts of your series. You started off good, but some writers really screw up especially when writing about a Spartan accompanied by a normal human soldier. Don't make your character too strong or macho. Remember, he's still just a normal guy.

--Add a little more discriptions all around, and in your next part (or the one after that), be sure to include information about this mission so the story-line becomes clear.

This story was pretty short, but it was good. Some writers like writing a lot, but if your style is one peice after another, stick to it. It's better to have shorter stories that are good, and build your way up, then long stories that can bore the reader. And remember, proof read every time.

-Russ
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