HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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SquadAK47: Path to Victory Pt.2
Posted by Spartan 006 (BillCounts@Mindspring.com)
10 March 2006, 7:59 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Spartan_0060310061959071.html

(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher · Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 9:15 pm Post subject:

Well, besides the small errors in your story I'll say it was good. Just...the name...SquadAK47? That's a gun, and I never heard of a squad named after a gun...
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Spartan006 · Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 9:41 pm Post subject:

Yeah, the name is kind of strange, but I think I have found a way that I can change it. When I named it I was in a hurry, so I thought, AK47...I don't know why, but that sounds like it would be good. It just goes to show that you shouldn't rush the title. I'm going to work the title change into my next story, so you will have to read it to figure out how it gets changed Smile

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Mainevent · Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 12:00 am Post subject:

escarpment?

How on S.o.T.o.F. did you get on the comm.?"

his dual SMGs for purple rifle

They were being fired upon by a high-speed plasma turret from the Covenant-Warthog.

I searching the mainframe now

Those are the biggest problems in your story..little minor flaws that do end up standing out to the reader. You'll probably look at them now and go "doh, how did I do that!" Just proofread a little bit more.

Story itself was okay, a little bit shallow perhaps...can't say I totally felt with any of the characters. Try a little harder with that. Otherwise, it was pretty good. Keep it up.

Spartan006 · Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 12:24 am Post subject:

You're right, how did that happen? Oh well, it's on there and it can't be changed. Thanks for the constructive criticism. I'm always open for criticism, as long as it's to make the story better. Here are some of the answers to your questions,

Mainevent · Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 2:33 am Post subject:

Sorry that I couldn't flesh out my last post. I was on my mom's work computer and had to run, and didn't want to type that all out again at home.

For escarpment, good word. Learned something new today. At first I thought that it was just a misspelling of embankment, but now that I realize it's not there's no real problem there.

The thing about S.o.T.o.F is that, I think it'd be better that they said the whole thing out AT LEAST once, just so everyone knows what it means.

The SMG thing was to point out the lack of "a" between '...SMGs' and 'for purple rifle.'

Covenant-Warthog...eh...you can do better. When I hear Covenant warthog I just think a warthog with a plasma turret on the back. While I knew what you meant, it just seemed like that could have been described more clearly.

And the last one was just another mistake as well.

There, my reasonings. Smile

Spartan006 · Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:49 pm Post subject: