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Biological Storage: Three
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:14 pm    Post subject: Biological Storage: Three Reply with quote

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Biological Storage: Three
Posted by Dagorath (hoyinshan@gmail.com)
10 March 2006, 12:59 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Dagorath0310061259191.html
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Smackblasta
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 6:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Holy crap. I had to censor my original response before I posted it, definately liking this one.
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Tin Can Man
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 7:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This reads just as well as it did during my proof-read.
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STEEL RAIN
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

nice, dude, very nice.
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Random 14-Year-Old
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 1:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes.. like I told you before, that action scene was great. And just when I think John has kicked ass and saved the day, it turns out Maria's been shot. Yes. Holy crap.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks guys. There're MORE action scenes coming up, never fear. Will comes into play a little more. I'm worrying that he'll become the main character instead....

MCC says I need to add more detail in. I'll try.
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Random 14-Year-Old
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm. Maybe. Just watch out and make sure that any extra detail doesn't detract from the smoothness of the story. That's one thing that really annoys ME sometimes -- finding a perfect balance between detail and smoothness.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 4:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's attainable. The reason that I say that -- after all, I do mention detail an aweful lot -- is because I am a wordy writer myself. I use a lot of detail. It's one of my strong points in writing. So, naturally, when I see a story that doesn't have as much detail as I prefer -- not just in my writing, but in what I read -- I point that out.

Brevity is not always a bad thing -- sometimes it can be quite good. Stylistically, it can be a winner. But only when used well. Heck, if a writing style works for you, and gets stuff across, don't try to radically change it. However, tweaking with certain elements and changing the mix a bit could improve things ever so much. Just be careful.

It's like changing a recipe. Sure, yours might work, but if you add more of one ingredient, or less of another, it might turn out to be even better. Just do things in small doses -- don't radically change something that already tastes good, if you catch my meaning.

Keep working, Dagorath. You're doing fine. Besides, I am one picky SOB. Very Happy
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Random 14-Year-Old
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah.... the great philosophies of writing.. Razz
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
because I am a wordy writer myself.


Maybe you should put up a link for us to your own stories, because I haven't read any of them before. Please?

Quote:
t's like changing a recipe. Sure, yours might work, but if you add more of one ingredient, or less of another, it might turn out to be even better. Just do things in small doses -- don't radically change something that already tastes good, if you catch my meaning.


That's a great analogy. I personally find nothing wrong with my own style, but I'll see if there ARE places to amend.
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Random 14-Year-Old
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 6:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It reminds me of one of Bungie's great philosophies.

Don't fix it if it ain't broken.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Indeed. But, even something that's in working order can be made to work better. Keep that in mind with your writing. (To be honest, one reason I used that anology was because I cook myself -- you should try my cheesecake Very Happy )

As for a link to my own stories, Dagorath, I am sorry. In the great words of Mainevent "Homeboy don't write fiction." That is not to say I do not write, however. I simply have yet to post any material here.

I know, I'm a terrible example. But, if you can find me on IM, you have a chance of me sending you something, maybe. (Just don't tell anybody Wink ).
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Caleb the Jackal
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah man... Yeah... I like this. I know we talked about it already but I'm just showing my support here.

Good one.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 9:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Never a fan of the Matrix, really, but this was enjoyable, short, but enjoyable. I think I missed part two, oh well, I'll read it next I guess.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 8:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

THe next one is longer. Much longer. And there's no slow-mo....
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