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A Night: 12:00-1:00

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:14 pm    Post subject: A Night: 12:00-1:00 Reply with quote

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A Night: 12:00-1:00
Posted by KrazyKorean4 (stormchaser222@walla.com)
5 March 2006, 5:34 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=KrazyKorean40305060534111.html
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Mark Lieberg
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 1:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dae-Han-Ming-Guk!!

Im half korean.
anyways.
I read half your story. ill get back to it now.
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krazykorean4
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 1:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah I'm half-korean too, but I don't know whatever you said means. As you have probably guessed, I didn't really nother to proof read this much. I was in a hurry, about to get out the door when I said "screw it" and sent it. Bad move on my part. Sorry.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 10:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

krazykorean4 wrote:
Yeah I'm half-korean too, but I don't know whatever you said means. As you have probably guessed, I didn't really nother to proof read this much. I was in a hurry, about to get out the door when I said "screw it" and sent it. Bad move on my part. Sorry.
Yeah some proofreading would have gone good, but I really enjoyed reading this, actually. Assault on Precinct 13 was one of my favourite movies, and it seemed to me that this was the formula you were trying to replicate with this story. As I said, really enjoyed it, and with a bit more proofreading it'd be even better, good work.
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 5:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Man, everything just happened way too fast in many parts, like the atttack, shouldn't they have known they were coming? How did they get in there? Where did they come from? How did he know there was just two out there? Really, where the hell are they!?

You need to take more time adding more details to the story so no one won't ask these questions.
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krazykorean4
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 8:40 pm    Post subject: Just shut up and wait Reply with quote

I thought about putting all that in there, but thought that would kinda ruin the whole "real" thing I was going for. Do you really expect everyone to know what's going on? You can't have people getting attacked and having them be like "It's a good thing we knew they were coming and know exactly where they come from." He didn't "know". He had a feeling. And besides, it's part of a series. There's going to be at least six more stories falling within the story. So quit whining, be patient, and I'll try and do something about it. Confused Mad
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 8:51 pm    Post subject: Re: Just shut up and wait Reply with quote

krazykorean4 wrote:
So quit whining, be patient, and I'll try and do something about it. Confused Mad


Hey, chill out. There's going to be a lot more comments like these - most of the people here at HBOFF know what they're talking about. Take it all in stride, man; listen to what people have to say, explain your reasoning, do what you have to do - but bitching at people won't get you any friends, or anywhere.

Nobody is perfect.

I'll get to this in a bit.
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krazykorean4
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 9:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey man, I'm not bitchin'. I was just frusterated because it went un noticed (at least to him) what i was trying to do. I wanted some realism in here. I didn't want the reader to know why they were gettin attacked or where they came from or whatever. I wasn't getting pissed at the guy or being mad. I apprecitate what people hafta say. I'm truely sorry if I looked like I was freakin out, cause I wasn't. Damn, now it looks like I have a stick up my butt. But yeah. Sorry if I got taken the wrong way. Embarassed
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah ok, but its what, 2552, technology is gonna be a lot more advance. If they was in a base, I assume they would have some kind of censoring devices, hell, we got them today, why not in 2552. That's one way of knowing they were coming. Unless the Covenant have some kind of cloak to keep them from getting detected. So really, if it was a Marine base, it sure wasn't a very good one. Because they just let the enemy walk right in the front door.

You can still have surprised the reader, you just have to get created. And don't get lazy, make the story perfect as humanly possible. And don't get frustrated, that causes stress, which can be very bad for you.

And don't take it in a personal way, I don't mean to piss you off or anything, just to help. You know that.



Welcome to HBOFF.

\m/
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

krazykorean4 wrote:
Sorry if I got taken the wrong way. Embarassed


Don't worry about it, man. Smile We're all here for one another, and hopefully in the long run you'll become a part of our growing community.

Just remember what I said - there's always gonna be someone who has a problem with your story, and the only way to respond to the critics is to explain what you were trying to do (if you disagree with them) or nod your head and say you'll work on it (if you agree).

Welcome to HBOFF. Twisted Evil
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krazykorean4
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yay! I feel like I'm one of the "cool" people now... I'm not am I? Wink
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 9:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm, I thought it was OK. The fast pace suited it and the swearing didn't actually affect the story too much: it seemed quite in place. Proof-read it, that's all I can say. Don't rush.
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