HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Glass and Steel, Part 11 - Edict of Worms
Posted by Random 14-Year-Old (i-rule-2008@comcast.net)
24 February 2006, 2:49 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Random_14-Ye0224060249211.html

Pooman · Member Joined: 18 Aug 2005 Posts: 86 Location: Kentucky

Short chapter but a lot of things happened. I didn't expect Arina to die. I don't think I even spelled her name correctly. Good job describing how he felt. I'm looking forward to more. 9.4/10

Master Chief Spartan- 117 · Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 10:49 pm Post subject:

WoW... Awesome. Your getting alot better. I wish I could write half that good.

Random 14-Year-Old · Member Joined: 20 Jan 2005 Posts: 81 Location: California

Whoops.. guess that last line was a bit too vague. Ariana didn't necessarily die, she's just missing. I wouldn't kill off such a dame that quickly... Wink

Anyways, thanks lots for the comments!

Master Chief Spartan- 117 · Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 3:05 am Post subject:

Killing off is fun though. People need to be killed off in my series. To many new characters. But yeah, back to YOUR story. Sooooo much detail.

Random 14-Year-Old · Member Joined: 20 Jan 2005 Posts: 81 Location: California

Haha thanks. This chapter only took me an hour or so because it was emotionally driven and I just let myself go, but darn it now I have to actually advance the plot, which will take more work.

Yes, killing off is fun. Ah, but it also takes elegance and thought... You know, I thought about having Ren die when he jumps out of that window and just tell the rest of the story from Ariana's point of view. But then I was like... wait--there is no way I can properly tell a story with a girl's voice and point of view. Laughing

Master Chief Spartan- 117 · Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 3:16 pm Post subject:

I don't know... You might be able to hire one in one of those allys on Ventura.

Imperorator_Jon · Member Joined: 29 Oct 2005 Posts: 97 Location: Moop?

I rarely say this but, My god, my sweet mother of god. This story makes all of the others INSANELY weak. The entirety of it all! I just read the entire series again. Ren surviving the madman! His first murder! The Covenant Invasion! It is all so marvelous!

10/10 who am I kidding? 20000000/1 This is art in a pure form!

Dagorath · Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 10:25 am Post subject:

Great chapter. I liked the usage of hell as a comparison to the bombardment, but it is a bit cliche. How he remembered was also nicely done, but also a little cliche.

A little tip, thogu a little off topic. Don't define your right and wrong so much. In real life, no one is a definite bad guy or good guy.

9/10. Simply because this, in comparison to the other chapters, isn't as good. But keep it up.