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Glass and Steel, Part 11 - Edict of Worms

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 5:05 pm    Post subject: Glass and Steel, Part 11 - Edict of Worms Reply with quote

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Glass and Steel, Part 11 - Edict of Worms
Posted by Random 14-Year-Old (i-rule-2008@comcast.net)
24 February 2006, 2:49 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Random_14-Ye0224060249211.html
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Pooman
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Joined: 18 Aug 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Short chapter but a lot of things happened. I didn't expect Arina to die. I don't think I even spelled her name correctly. Good job describing how he felt. I'm looking forward to more. 9.4/10
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 168
Location: Team Mate in combat... Waiting to respawn

PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 10:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

WoW... Awesome. Your getting alot better. I wish I could write half that good.
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Random 14-Year-Old
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Joined: 20 Jan 2005
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 12:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Whoops.. guess that last line was a bit too vague. Ariana didn't necessarily die, she's just missing. I wouldn't kill off such a dame that quickly... Wink

Anyways, thanks lots for the comments!
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
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Location: Team Mate in combat... Waiting to respawn

PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 3:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Killing off is fun though. People need to be killed off in my series. To many new characters. But yeah, back to YOUR story. Sooooo much detail.
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Random 14-Year-Old
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Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 81
Location: California

PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 4:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Haha thanks. This chapter only took me an hour or so because it was emotionally driven and I just let myself go, but darn it now I have to actually advance the plot, which will take more work.

Yes, killing off is fun. Ah, but it also takes elegance and thought... You know, I thought about having Ren die when he jumps out of that window and just tell the rest of the story from Ariana's point of view. But then I was like... wait--there is no way I can properly tell a story with a girl's voice and point of view. Laughing
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 168
Location: Team Mate in combat... Waiting to respawn

PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 3:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know... You might be able to hire one in one of those allys on Ventura.
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Imperorator_Jon
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Joined: 29 Oct 2005
Posts: 97
Location: Moop?

PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 10:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I rarely say this but, My god, my sweet mother of god. This story makes all of the others INSANELY weak. The entirety of it all! I just read the entire series again. Ren surviving the madman! His first murder! The Covenant Invasion! It is all so marvelous!

10/10 who am I kidding? 20000000/1 This is art in a pure form!
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Dagorath
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Joined: 03 Apr 2005
Posts: 264
Location: Energy level 1.5

PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 10:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great chapter. I liked the usage of hell as a comparison to the bombardment, but it is a bit cliche. How he remembered was also nicely done, but also a little cliche.

A little tip, thogu a little off topic. Don't define your right and wrong so much. In real life, no one is a definite bad guy or good guy.

9/10. Simply because this, in comparison to the other chapters, isn't as good. But keep it up.
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