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Above The Seventh Spire

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 5:04 pm    Post subject: Above The Seventh Spire Reply with quote

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Above The Seventh Spire
Posted by Mr Bill Jr V (mr_bill_jr_5@hotmail.com)
17 February 2006, 2:01 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Mr_Bill_Jr_V0217060201221.html
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Solidus Snake
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 281
Location: A dying Metal Community

PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 3:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, right on, man.

So pretty much many years ago the Earth was blackned, right?

But there were few suviviors and her family was one of them? And years after the war had ended, and the Elites who broke off from the Covenant took them in? And now they have brought them back to what was once their home?

I love this story. Gives you something to think about, plus I like the poerty likeness of it. You have infuence me.

Great work, keep writing, live the dream.

\../ Twisted Evil \../

Love thy Metal.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 3:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah I enjoyed this too billy. Good job, I loved the language andthe picture you painted in my mind.
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mr bill
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Joined: 01 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 2:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the feedback guys.

Always good to know I'm still appriecated Wink
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Berconius
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Joined: 15 Aug 2004
Posts: 160
Location: New York/Ohio

PostPosted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 5:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah crum cake, I almost missed another one! Sorry I'm late. Really ought to be on top of things but oh well.

It has been until recently that I noticed how many of your more lyrical introductions smack of mutability and the Romantic era. Not exactly the trippy nature of poems like Kublai Kahn, but definitely of a similar tone. There was particular imagery in this one that conveyed mutability very strongly. The tides, definitely. At several points there is a sort of invocation of the Lord or God much like Wordsworth's poem composed on Westminster bridge ("Oh god, the very houses are asleep!" or something to that effect) though with a differring purpose.

Um. My Lit class appears to be getting to me.

Getting past the physical construction, I do not get the significance of the seventh spire. Bungie references aside, I couldn't get what it meant in relation to the desolation of the planet.

As always, diction like an analysis piece on a final exam and dominant imagery to boot. It has truly been a long time.

Cheers, Bill
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Mainevent
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 796
Location: Mobel, Abalama

PostPosted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 5:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Your diction is quite wonderful. So many wonderful words. Though I think there was one point in the second "half" that had the word cloud very near itself, and sort of broke the flow of it. But not much.

This piece was very emotional, and the descriptions were just ...they just are what you made them. Great.

Nice to see you writing again.
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mr bill
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Joined: 01 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 3:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
My Lit class appears to be getting to me.


Wordsworth's Westminster Bridge is one of my favorite poems- however, here I was quoting from Byron's Darkness.

Thanks for the feedback guys (you too Main Wink ). Yah, I noticed that thing with the double "clouds".... bummer.
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Berconius
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Posts: 160
Location: New York/Ohio

PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 3:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, you do like Byron. I believe you mentioned him once when I commented on Rhea. He's the one who had women hiding under his bed for sex, if I recall correctly.

Anyway, I'm not farmiliar with Darkness, and my grasp of Byron's style is very limited, but I do recall that he was happier than many of the lot. I think. Is responsible, due to his lifestyle, for the creation of the Byronic hero, too. Fought and died in Greece where his heart was buried.

Probably the most interesting of the Romantics that I've read, honestly.
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Azathoth
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Joined: 22 Nov 2005
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Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 7:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow. This was very interesting. It reminds me a lot of H.P. Lovecraft's Nyarlathotep.
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