HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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The Enemy Within-Chapter Eighteen: From One Pot Into Another
Posted by Mind_Affecting_Parasite (pbplayer_24@yahoo.com)
4 October 2004, 12:35 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mind_affecti.10040400354318.html

Forerunner's Advocate · Member Joined: 25 Sep 2004 Posts: 8 Location: My Computer

This story is becoming better and better. I love the description. Beautiful as usual.

As the Two jackals stuffed the grunt head first in the toilet one of them said
"You know, some human customs aren't half bad."
I love it. Peace Twisted Evil

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

The descriptions and details were okay, but there was definetely something missing from this one (like a couple of the previous ones). It's like you've lost the incentive to write, and so there isn't much emotion or enthusiasm in there. So, if you would, try getting a real nice emotional high before you write the next one.
_________________
-MCC

Swift'n'Painful · Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 1:42 am Post subject:

It was a good story overall. But I do agree with MC's Cousin, that you were not entirely enthusiastic about the whole story, perhaps you were sleepy when writing the story or just not in the mood to write it then, but I still think it is a good story. However, I think it had some great detail at parts.

Pajari · Member Joined: 28 Sep 2004 Posts: 100 Location: Luna

Good story, excellent development of tension and good detail. As for enthusiasm- don't listen to 'em. It's alright.