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The Best Marines: Prison Break

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 9:19 pm    Post subject: The Best Marines: Prison Break Reply with quote
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The Best Marines: Prison Break
Posted by Cberbar 117 (barbersmhs@sbcglobal.net)
4 February 2006, 3:13 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Cberbar_1170204060313411.html
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Random 14-Year-Old
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Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 81
Location: California
PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 12:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Pretty good. I like how the poor marine wakes up and he immediately gets his ass kicked. Smile

I looked over the previous two installments and it's good that you're giving your stories spacing now, it makes a world of a difference. Good job.
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Joined: 13 Jan 2006
Posts: 43
Location: The best place ever. So good, I haven't had time to find out where it is.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 9:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Yes what he said.

You have done well with spacing but there are a few GPS errors. Especially spelling. This has happened over lots of your chapters. Here is one:

Cberbar 117 wrote:
Quote:
sheild


This should be shield. If your having trouble with spelling send me a Private Message. Just remember. I before E except after C.

I liked however how you described the change weaponry between Halo and Halo 2.

One more thing, describe in better detail. Your story seemed to move on too fast. Describe each scene in detail.

Overall, Pretty Good. 7/10 for me.

Then again, I'm not normal Wink
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