HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

Dliemma
Posted by Solidus Snake (chikornx@aol.com)
3 October 2004, 1:37 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=solidus_snak.1003040137301.html

[Solidus Snake]

Just like to say this is more like and test to see how people like the idea and plot that I was shooting for. Later on I would like to do a BIGGER story with a idea like this just with a different plot.

[Solidus Snake]

And another thing, I just relize I fucked up the title, Dilemma, sorry.

[Pajari]

First of all, write for your audience. We have all heard the story of Halo before, and we all know the 'dliemma'. No drama there.

Secondly, make sure that your exposition is spread out over several passages of text and not concentrated in one dialogue exchange- it seems more natural and eases the reader into your story far better. I know you didn't have much space to work with, but keep this in mind for future pieces that you submit.

And finally, describe and flesh out your character and the events more. This story skipped over major parts of the narrative that could have been interesting, and your sentences were choppy and bland. I never got a firm hold on exactly who the main character was or what he did. This feels like a rush job to me. With your next piece, take your time.

[MC's Cousin]

Yeah, the first thing I was going to say was "your title was spelled incorrectly", but since you addmitted it already, there is no need.
The story was interesting. Though I noted several small grammar issues that kinda took away from things.
Could have used a little more descriptive detail as well. I found myself in wonderment of what anything outside of the conversation was.

Overall, it was alright, and would be interesting to see more of, just make sure you work on your mistakes and be sure to make things interesting.
_________________
-MCC

[Solidus Snake]

As I said, its more like a test, I'm not too worry about the other stuff.