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Commander: Prophecy

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2006 3:41 pm    Post subject: Commander: Prophecy Reply with quote

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Commander: Prophecy
Posted by Cthulhu117 (spartan_eric_271@yahoo.com)
20 January 2006, 12:21 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Cthulhu1170120060021011.html
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Halo Fanatic 2005
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2006 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great, just like your others. Who is the Seraphima? Eraa or Orna?! Or neither...
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was okay, but definitely lacked the spark the others had. I believe that is in most part from the extreme humanity in this section. Your Elites and Brutes acted and sounded just like marines. They were cursing in human terms, and using slang like pal and the like. It really just pulls you out of the environment.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 9:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm, good point. Ususally yours are so good I don't mind reading through 2000 words. This was funny in the second part but not particularly engaging. I'm not sure how on earth a bunch of Sangheili would be allowed in the middle of a Jiralhanae spaceship without supervision, but ah well.

Noticed you accidentally canged Eraa's name to 'Gamsamee in the beginning, for one sentence. I thought this was a clever ploy by you to show he was growing up, but NO! You changed back.

Nice to see you followed my lead about the Holy One hailing. I dunno about Covie AIs, and there were more than one heretic in the history of the Covenant, and I think I know who the One is.

Still nothing about the sword thing 'Vutbugree gave?

You are quite innovative in places but it's gonna be a hard job tying everything together.
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Azathoth
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 6:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was not one of my better chapters, all in all. The others are better. This is more of a joining together between the first bit and the second.

Dagorath, the knife won't show up again until 'Vutbrugee does.

Halo Fanatic 2005, you are going to have to wait about eight chapters to find out who is the Seraphima. *SPOILER* it is one of the two. *SPOILER*
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 12:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just a little note: Seraphim are women.
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Azathoth
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What?!!!!!????!!?

Not necessarily. In Muslim tradition, I believe Seraphim were male. In the book Many Waters, all the Seraphim are male. And that book was written by a woman.

Heck, even the guy called Seraph in The Matrix was male...

EDIT: OK, I checked Wikipedia, my encyclopedia and the Bible. They all referred to a seraph as an angel or spirit of fire. The Bible uses a direct 'he' reference in Isaiah. I don't think that heavenly beings have much in the way of gender anyway, but Seraphima ought to mean something like 'exalted host of seraphim.'

EDIT AGAIN, SOMEWHAT OFF-TOPIC: I'm taking a short break from Commander to work on a short story that I will have up by Friday. You will have to wait for Commander: Operative.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, how horrible. We have to wait for one cool chapter from Azathoth because he's posting a cool new short story. Just make sure it's cool.

You're probably right about the Seraphim thing then. I read in the Dune series (the trilogy about the Machine Crusade, not the real Dune or the Prelude) that that Priestess (Serena's mother) was guarded by Seraphim, who were elite warrior women. I guess they got it wrong then.
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Azathoth
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 1:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love Dune. You have a point; I haven't read the books in a while. However, seraphim is just a Hebrew word that refers to an angel of some kind. Dune decided they were female warriors. Many Waters decided they were male, seven feet tall, pallid and had wings. I decided that the Sangheili use the word amihberass for a savior or messiah, which can be translated from l337-speak as Seraphima.

The short story is...well, short. But it is somewhat cool in my opinion. It takes place at Harvest in 2517. It has a plot twist. That's all I will reveal... Twisted Evil
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 4:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't reveal too much, Azathoth. Readers like being kept in the dark sometimes.
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Azathoth
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 12:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know. I love being kept in the dark.
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Halo Fanatic 2005
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope your story makes up for not posting Commander Operative. I'm always waiting for your next story, The plot twists are exciting, but like Dagorath said, you have left a lot of things that will need tying in later. I don't know why I'm saying this, Journal of Suno Happer has loads more. I don't quite know how I'm going to solve half the mysteries that have come up Sad
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