HBO Fan Fiction

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Zanzibar-The Remnants: Chapter 17
Posted by 343 Salty Beans (hockyfreak5@yahoo.com)
2 October 2004, 6:26 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=343_salty_be.10020406262416.html

[Pajari]

That was a damn good story- one of the best I've ever seen. Your description and action was spot-on, the word-choice and syntax were great, and the whole concept behind the story was intriguing. One of the truly rare examples of great concept paired with great execution- you can pat yourself on the back for this one.

And, to respond to your complaint at the beginning of the story, this one is a cliffhanger too! It never ends!

[MC's Cousin]

I was wondering where you had been Beans, but, welcome back.

Well, it was good, but there were a couple things I thought could have been improved. It could have used just an ounce more or descriptive detail, generally it was fine. Also, it didn't seem to flow like it could have; it kinda made things a little less pleasing to read. I hope these kinds of things are because you are tired and what not, next time don't worry about when you want to submit it, just make sure that the quality is up to par.
This is one of the few stories I have seen written with a more down tone for an ending, so that was different and refreshing.

Overall, the writing was excellent, and so I commend you for a job well done. Watch the occasional spelling and grammar issues, but otherwise, keep up the great work.
_________________
-MCC

[SYSTEM]

Somewhat confusing - not the pinnacle of your work, Beans, but the pinnacle of your philosophy.

Are you some kinda philosopher?

The coin was symbolic. John's carried that quarter so long it's become a token (quite literally) and when he tossed it back to Earth, it was his keepsake. He left it behind him, just as Grace left herself behind to save him.

A quarter is of little monetary value today - and probably, because of inflation rates, worth little then.

But to John, that little coin is everything. It's important. Not only does it stand for itself - but also a greater meaning, and a country's symbol is its money (pun intended) and John is leaving it behind as a symbol to both himself, Grace, and all of Humanity.

It's like refilling a well - he's returning the coin to where it belongs, and hoping to one day restore everything to where it belongs.



I love your series, Beans. Glad to see you back.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.