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Squad AK47

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:15 pm    Post subject: Squad AK47 Reply with quote

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Squad AK47
Posted by Spartan 006 (ShawnCounts@Yahoo.com)
13 January 2006, 3:14 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Spartan_0060113061514481.html
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Pooman
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Joined: 18 Aug 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 3:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, this story wasn't that bad. You had quite a few GPS errors. Fix those and take more time with proofreading. Keep working and have fun! 8.0/10
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virroken
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Joined: 13 Dec 2005
Posts: 11

PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 4:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mm reviewing should be left with the more established members, I guess, but I'll give it my best shot.

This was actually pretty good, compared to *some* of the other stuff I've seen recently. You did a good job creating an alternate universe setting. The simulation pods, the 'watching halls', and the seafood restaurant(?) gave a sense of something like a small town community (military, of course) , kind of like the battleschool in Ender's Game. The most important thing, though, is that your Sotof/Sotuf gave a REASON for the fighting spartans. Not many MP fics around here have that. Mostly they just haplessly murder eachother for no reason.

So pat yourself on the back for that.

On the not-as-bright-and-sunny side, there were quite a few errors (GrammarSpellingPunctuation) in this. Next time, I'd suggest running your story through a spellchecker before submitting it. Doing that won't take more than two minutes, I promise, and it will improve the readability of your work by quite a bit.

One mistake I saw over and over was your comma usage. True, they're mostly in the right places, but the space comes AFTER the comma, not before. Don't worry too much about it though, your handy spellchecker will correct all of that.

--meh. Sorry its getting late on my side. I'll leave the rest for the better reviewers.

Use the Code, use more detail. Good work, keep it up.

-Virroken

Quote:
"The koalas eat flesh at midnight."


Aie! Spooky.
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Spartan 0021
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Joined: 14 Jan 2006
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 1:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought this was actually pretty good, a cliff-hanger ending, making you feel like you want to read the rest of it. Mostly all there is, as in other posts, are minor spelling errors (what, were all human right? Your not human if you dont make mistakes).
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Halo Fanatic 2005
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Joined: 13 Jan 2006
Posts: 43
Location: The best place ever. So good, I haven't had time to find out where it is.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 7:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good. The simulations were exciting and the charaters had good personalities.

However the matches were so quick they ended before I knew what had happened. Try to expand them. One of my series has one match to one story. Try that.

Also there were so many missing letters, letters in the wrong places and worst of all, spaces. In lists you always had missing spaces. This all comes from carelesness. Take... your... time.

One more thing...

Use the code. If you don't know what this is check the terms of use and click on the appropriate link.

However you are good writer and you should keep it up.

-Halo Fanatic 2005
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