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Halo: The Ark
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 3:55 pm    Post subject: Halo: The Ark Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Halo: The Ark
Posted by Sir_brilliant (sir_brilliant@yahoo.com)
26 December 2005, 3:06 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Sir_brillian1226050306571.html
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2005 7:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe you had some reason for doing this the way you did, but posting a fic that is 83,000+ words long all at once is a great way to get your story ignored. Sure, since Wu changed the rules it is allowed, but there are very few people who will read a novel sized piece of fanfiction all at once. If your only aim was to get this on the internet, I guess this is fine. But if you really wanted this to be read and reviewed, you should have submitted it in a series of chapters.

Good luck.

C.T. Clown
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sir_brilliant
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Joined: 01 Jan 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2006 4:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

look dude, i've been writing this fanfic for 8 months, starting december 12th 2004. That's right, its been a year since i started the fanfic. And i have finished it, although i'm trying to get it published, and have been talking with the publishing company TOR, which is the publishing company now doing the books for bungie/microsoft (not entirely sure which one, but not like it makes a difference for me). They liked it and went to talk with microsoft about it, and are being backed by one of the creators of halo.

I'm posting it here because i never used to come by this site, although i have been posting it on bungie.net religiously. I started posting it here, but only posted one chapter and didn't really think i should post the rest for some reason. Then i realized a few days back that i could just post all of it at once, and i did.

And the only reason i haven't posted the end of it is because i'm trying to get it published. So when i find out whether its a go or not, then i'll either post news everywhere saying yes or just post the remaining 4 chapters. But since this is a really cool site and i've been missing out, so its my bad...but the site's not going anywhere.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2006 7:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was stupid to post it all at once, I'll read it, but not now. Can I just say that this:
Quote:
They liked it and went to talk with microsoft about it, and are being backed by one of the creators of halo.
Sounds like something someone makes up for more publicity to their stories. I realyl doubt that someone who just walks in and submits work to a fanfiction site would try and get the same story published as official Halo cannon. I'm not doubting you, but even how you've copywrited the title The Ark, like it's your creation and not Bungie's, I think that's illegal. Yuo don't even have capitals for Covenant and a few places, christ. And where have I heard your name before?
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sir_brilliant
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2006 8:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Commander Demitri Wolf wrote:
It was stupid to post it all at once, I'll read it, but not now. Can I just say that this:
Quote:
They liked it and went to talk with microsoft about it, and are being backed by one of the creators of halo.
Sounds like something someone makes up for more publicity to their stories. I realyl doubt that someone who just walks in and submits work to a fanfiction site would try and get the same story published as official Halo cannon. I'm not doubting you, but even how you've copywrited the title The Ark, like it's your creation and not Bungie's, I think that's illegal. Yuo don't even have capitals for Covenant and a few places, christ. And where have I heard your name before?


Well, sorry you don't like the fact that i posted it all at once, but i didn't see any point of having to look at 29 different threads to see what people thought about it.

And i'm not saying things to make my story more famous. Just wanted to post it. If you don't want to believe me about what i say, thats fine. I never said that I was trying to make my book the official thing, just wanted to make an official fanfic. Big difference. No, its not illegal, as i copyrighted my story, not anything else. And i never said that the story was perfect, so don't expect it to be completely perfectly edited.

If you want to complain about it, thats your deal, but i just wrote a story for fun and ended up trying to get it published, just to see if i could. I'm not out for fame or fortune, but figured it would be cool if i could write a book while i'm only 17.


-SB
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2006 9:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The problem with posting your story all at once is two-fold. One is that it can be burdensome for the reader to have to read all of it at once, and to comment on each chapter on the same thread would also get irksome. People really don't like to sit at their computer for hours reading something, nor do they want to print out this much stuff. By posting each chapter you can get detailed information and corrections for your story to make it much better.

While this story was good, it did have numerous small problems through it that, had you posted this in small increments, probably would have been avoided.

Perhaps even three chapters at a time would have been better.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2006 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

sir_brilliant wrote:
No, its not illegal, as i copyrighted my story, not anything else. And i never said that the story was perfect, so don't expect it to be completely perfectly edited.
Ok well I'm not gonna argue with that, but I'm sure theres something wrong with putting a copywrite in a fanfiction. Secondly, by posting it here, you are asking for critique, if you can't cop it, don't give us this 'if you don't like it I don't care' bullshit.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 12:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Site = Sight. Run-of-the-mill error.

Tense switching. Are, was, you get the drill. As for the rest, they're up to you. Good combination of details, storyline, and character thought/dialogue and portrayal.

As for spending a year on it, great. It's good to see you put effort into it.

Formatting is sketchy though. Check out how to use the code. There's a guide on the site, you can find it here. http://hboff.bungie.org/viewtopic.php?t=2785 I've posted examples for your convienience, and it's printer-friendly, so there's really no excuse.

Unfortunately, before this turns into a flamewar (and I've seen many go that way), I've got three HBOFF tips to give you.

- One.
Length. Know your audience. Published material on an open market, whatever. This is negligible. But this is a fansite, bud. Know that this is a fan-organised website, not an open market. If you were on an open market, making money, then you could tell us to eff the hell off, but the fact is, you're not on an open market. And when you're not on an open market, you've got to cater to an audience. If your teacher told you to write him or her a persuasive essay on why public spending should be boosted instead of cut, don't go and write an essay on why teachers suck. That might score big with like-minded friends who think the system is rubbish, but it's not going to go far with your intended audience: your teacher.

That means, if your audience is, well, us, know that we have shorter attention spans and don't like reading massive blocks of text that take forever to go through. Wait until each update, submit a chapter, and you aren't going to wear your audience out. Remember, it's like catching a fish. If you're trying to catch small perch, why use a hook intended for a big-mouth sea bass or a fully-grown pike? Sure, it might look impressive to weild one of those monsters on the end of your rod, but the hook for those things won't even fit into the small perch's mouth! Same with us here; big chapters that take forever are going to tire your audience out.

- Two.
Now, all universes, characters, and events are under Bungie protection. Also forget that you're just a drop in the ocean, just like me, CDW, and everyone else. Nobody's about to rip off some backwater fanfiction piece. And if they do, why would they? Although it has happened on HBOFF, instances of plagarism are rare and often immediately recognised. Another thing, this is the internet, pal. You can't slap down a copyright/registered logo on the internet, without or with legal recognition, and expect one-hundred percent compliance. This is the internet, not a library. All anyone has to do is press ctrl-c and then ctrl-v, and the copying is done. If that doesn't convince you, go ask your local record label what they think of napster/kazaa/limewire/any filesharing network. Record labels spend millions of dollars on legal copyrights. You think that stops the majority from obtaining music through peer-to-peer networks?

- And finally, three.
Acting like a diva here isn't going to get you far. A lot of the HBOFF members have faced guys too full of themselves before, and we know how to deal with 'em.

On the other hand, people here are great once you get to know 'em and will give you some advice, critique, and help ya out. They take time reading your story, and offering advice they can give on it. But, if you're going to toss what they have to say to the wind, well, you can print it out and take it to your friends and have a good time where nobody dares say, "Hey, maybe you should change this small technicality." It's good you stand behind your work, I admire that, but hey. This is a forum, and you've got to expect that people might comment on it.

And while you're free to express your imagination (within limits of course) don't forget that we've got our reasoning, and we're free to give you tips or advice on yours. I haven't seen any flaming or "hay i hate u u should go die suxors!!!!111" or anything of the sort. So don't freak out on us as if we are saying 'hay i hate u u should go die suxors!!!!111"

'Coz we aren't.

- Dave.
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I apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. I will get to you shortly.
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sir_brilliant
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 1:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mainevent wrote:
The problem with posting your story all at once is two-fold. One is that it can be burdensome for the reader to have to read all of it at once, and to comment on each chapter on the same thread would also get irksome. People really don't like to sit at their computer for hours reading something, nor do they want to print out this much stuff. By posting each chapter you can get detailed information and corrections for your story to make it much better.

While this story was good, it did have numerous small problems through it that, had you posted this in small increments, probably would have been avoided.

Perhaps even three chapters at a time would have been better.
Commander Demitri Wolf wrote:
sir_brilliant wrote:
No, its not illegal, as i copyrighted my story, not anything else. And i never said that the story was perfect, so don't expect it to be completely perfectly edited.
Ok well I'm not gonna argue with that, but I'm sure theres something wrong with putting a copywrite in a fanfiction. Secondly, by posting it here, you are asking for critique, if you can't cop it, don't give us this 'if you don't like it I don't care' bullshit.


Well, Mainevent, you put it exactly as i saw it. I just figured i might as well make it as easy as possible for myself, since i didn't know which way would be best for everyone elses opinion.

And Commander Demitri Wolf, there's nothing wrong with copyrighting anything, even if its fanfiction. I've spent some time looking into the subject, and if anything, i'm not going to get sued for it. So thanks for worrying about me, but dont worry about it. And i would love to hear about any critique anyone has, because i'm constantly editing and making changes to the book. I post it for 3 reasons: 1) because it was fun to write and people (at least on bnet) seemed to like it, 2) I want to get criticism on it so i can improve my writing because i know its not as good as it can be, and 3) because i want it to get out.

So on the one hand, i want to hear what people have to say, but if they don't like it, then there isn't much criticism that they give, in my opinion. They just say they don't like it and say how crappy it is instead of giving reasons why they don't like it, so i usually don't listen to them much.

And Dave, i didn't quote you cause you posted alot, but most of the stuff you said really has no relevance to me. Sure, you can say that stuff is copyrighted, but you don't have to worry about me. I've talked to enough lawyers for the next couple of years about it. And length...i've finished the book, and i've discussed this already. And your first point also has no relevance to me because i don't care if its an 'open market' or whatever, i'm just a writer who wrote something. I'm trying to stay as level as possible with everyone. If you don't believe me, thats fine, but don't just judge what i say on what you think is right. There was alot of thought put into everything i'm doing, whether i liked it or not.


Last edited by sir_brilliant on Mon Jan 02, 2006 1:58 am; edited 1 time in total
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 1:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I'm sorry for jumping the gun, thanks for being level headed with us.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 2:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Judging by your grasp on the language, fixing a few mechanical erors shouldn't be too hard. Nothing really to complain about, except I felt your story was a little 'dry.' By that, I mean, it just seemed like it wasn't that big of a step outside the box. Get that thinker of yours working; come up with something uniquely YOU, something that nobody else would have thought of.

But an excellent start to your career.

- Dave.
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SYSTEM | HBOFF Administrator | "Anytime, Baby!"

I apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. I will get to you shortly.
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sir_brilliant
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 2:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

SYSTEM wrote:
Judging by your grasp on the language, fixing a few mechanical erors shouldn't be too hard. Nothing really to complain about, except I felt your story was a little 'dry.' By that, I mean, it just seemed like it wasn't that big of a step outside the box. Get that thinker of yours working; come up with something uniquely YOU, something that nobody else would have thought of.

But an excellent start to your career.

- Dave.


I can agree with some of that, although the best i can say is that the ending of the book, which i haven't posted, is really, well, outside the box. Didn't originally mean for it to be like that, but from the few people who i have allowed to read it, they said it was nuts. But, as it hasn't been posted and won't be posted until i find out whats going on with the book, i won't talk about it anymore.
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FOrunnER
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 5:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just some more friendly advice:

1. Use the code, it is your friend.

2. Consider a title change, Halo: The Ark (or similiar variations) has been used by almost every author since Halo 2 came out, including me.

Besides that and the points that Mainevent made the story was good (or at least the parts I read were). It was written much better than I expected, but there is always room for improvement. Look around, read other stories, and learn from their mistakes.
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sir_brilliant
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 7:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

FOrunnER wrote:
Just some more friendly advice:

1. Use the code, it is your friend.

2. Consider a title change, Halo: The Ark (or similiar variations) has been used by almost every author since Halo 2 came out, including me.

Besides that and the points that Mainevent made the story was good (or at least the parts I read were). It was written much better than I expected, but there is always room for improvement. Look around, read other stories, and learn from their mistakes.


I didn't know that alot of people used that name (Halo: The Ark). I know that i was one of the first people to post on bnet, and nobody there has ever posted any fanfic there that name...but i'm new here, so what do i know.
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 7:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Ark 1
http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Charlie_Froe0808051844541.html

The Ark 2
http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=fatboytt.0416050951511.html

The Ark 3
http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=forunner.0320050759153.html
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