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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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Nick Kang
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 688
Location: Michigan State University
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 Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2005 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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Heh...I laughed at this one. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh at it or not...but I did anyway.
I couldn't find any complaints. Your writing balanced out good detail with good imagery. I'll just wait until others start commenting to bring up anything I missed.
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Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter. |
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Tin Can Man
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 170
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| Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2005 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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| That was very good. I liked it. |
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CrazyGrunt
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Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Posts: 63
Location: Wreaking havoc on High Charity
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 2:37 am Post subject: |
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| Awesome story! |
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RogueFox
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 3:45 am Post subject: |
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I enjoyed it.
A different twist, to be sure. |
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth
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| Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 6:14 am Post subject: |
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Very nice, alot better than the 'I got sucked into my X-Box one night and fought the Covenant with the Chief!' sorta stories, though similar. Keep 'em coming Matthias.
Oh wait, one thing. A little unrealistic behaviour from your character upon witnessign the devastation in his neighbourhood; try and make it a little realistic  |
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Matthiasthe14th
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Joined: 25 Dec 2005
Posts: 126
Location: Je m'en fiche.
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| Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 5:21 am Post subject: |
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Thanks, you guys are the best. 
| Quote: | | Oh, wait, one thing. A little unrealistic behavior from your character upon witnessign the devastation in his neighborhood; try and make it a little realistic. |
It's supposed to be unrealistic to a point, but, yes, you're right. There's a line there that you're not to cross, you know?  |
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JCDentonCZ
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Joined: 14 Oct 2004
Posts: 381
Location: The Netherlands
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| Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2006 11:46 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | All those kids! I had to save them! However, when I got there, I noticed that--due to newly enacted anti-gun laws which prevented everyone from defending themselves--everyone had died tragic, horrible deaths.
Poor saps, I thought, I knew it would happen sooner or later, Covenant or not. |
Hehe. I liked that a lot.
Great story, much better than those overly serious stories. Keep it up.
- JC
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Matthiasthe14th
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Joined: 25 Dec 2005
Posts: 126
Location: Je m'en fiche.
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| Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 1:48 am Post subject: |
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Wow, thanks for the comment, JC! I didn't expect my story to be ressurected from the dead!
Thanks for all the constructive critisism, guys! |
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Johny117
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Joined: 22 Feb 2006
Posts: 118
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:25 am Post subject: |
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Ha ha, funny story. I like it.
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