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Alien Brethren: Chapter 13: Homecoming of Heroes

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 2:48 pm    Post subject: Alien Brethren: Chapter 13: Homecoming of Heroes Reply with quote

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Alien Brethren: Chapter 13: Homecoming of Heroes
Posted by Alex L (Greek Elite) (yoshi64y@aol.com)
17 December 2005, 8:09 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Alex_L_Greek1217052009391.html
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Pooman
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Uh huh... Well, that was wierd. Almost too wierd for me. I don't even know what to say. I liked the story up untill the affection and sex. Keep up the series. But please, no alien/human sex. It's just not right with an elite and girl... I will admit it's a pretty fresh idea. 8.7/10
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Saint Schmitty
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 7:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeah, that was kinda weird.... im kinda getting sick..... ick... no wait that is Pooman's stinkyness.

Pooman: you smell of stinky poo! just kidding! Very Happy
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GreekElite
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2005 1:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ugh, you immiedietly assume the two were having sex! my gosh. that intimate part I put in because i wanted to show the possible connections/feelings of alien races coming together (NOT SEXUALLY)

Baxter and Alei are friends and that's a connection between Alien Races so now I wanted to do a slightly different one (i intended no sexual reference to it, just intimate/romance between the two).

Please don't take that the wrong way but i really wanted to try out the new concept of two alien species liking each other...there probobly won't be anymore intimate parts between the two in this story however you will find that the two still have a tight bond
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mooching sack of death
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 5:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i rather liked the story. everyone is focussing on the intimate part rather than the story - just one question....how long has it been since baxter was with hailey? cause if it's over a year...i mean wouldn't he notice she was pregnant unless they saw eachother just a few weeks ago? i don't know, it sort of puzzled me. anyway i look forward reading the next one. i liked the pace of your writing, instead of all being hard-core battle scenes. it's a little...easier to read.
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Matthiasthe14th
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 26, 2005 6:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
(i intended no sexual reference to it, just intimate/romance between the two).

Although you may not have meant it that way, I think that's the way it comes across. I mean, Alei with no armor on and Whelski... y'know.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 26, 2005 9:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

They were on the bed naked and I quote 'broke the barriers of alien/human love' or something, I mean, what else are we meant to think? That they watched Frasier on TV and made hand silouettes?
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GreekElite
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 26, 2005 4:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mooching sack of death wrote:
i rather liked the story. everyone is focussing on the intimate part rather than the story - just one question....how long has it been since baxter was with hailey? cause if it's over a year...i mean wouldn't he notice she was pregnant unless they saw eachother just a few weeks ago? i don't know, it sort of puzzled me. anyway i look forward reading the next one. i liked the pace of your writing, instead of all being hard-core battle scenes. it's a little...easier to read.


thank you! finally someone who doesn't focus on that ONE part.
it has been one year since they saw each other and yes i suppose he might notice her dramatic change in figure but i did type a sudle(sp?) note on that when Baxter saw some slight differences. i didn't type the dramatic figure changes cuz then it would immiedietly be to the reader "oh she's pregnant" but yea...

and again to my loyal readers i apoligize for that part but i just wanted to show that something was going on between the two (not sexual). my next chapters however most likely won't have any 'intimate' parts in them. however i'm not taking off Alei's emotions of Whelski.
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mooching sack of death
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 26, 2005 10:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm glad they'll still be..."friends". and by the way i think it's spelled "subtle"....

i not only like the story you have going but i think your style of writing is for the most part pretty professional and otherwise realistic. it makes you stand out from the group Wink

just some positive feedback. i will agree with everyone else though, that part was kind of wierd. but the story was good and that's what matters.
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Dojorkan
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 1:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BOW-CHICKA-BOW-WOW- Sorry had to.

The hunter brothers outside playing with kids?
I'd imagine the kids would be scared stiff and neighbors called the police.

Adn well, Greek Elite, This chapter will be on machina-izeale for me, even with 1337 h4x. o_o
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SpecOpsGt
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 8:48 pm    Post subject: the luv part Reply with quote

hey man im a huge fan and all but i got a reel quick comment

WHAT WULD THE KIDS LOOK LIKE Shocked Shocked Shocked
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Caleb the Jackal
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That wasn't all too bad. I saw a couple of missing words or words that shouldn't have been there but all in all it was good.

I liked the part between the Elite and the girl but I think it should have been toned down just a bit.

The Elite only having his upper armor off and the girl fully dressed and she hugs him and he does the mandible tickle which is sorta like an Elite hug.

Just an Idea but it is your story so you can keep to it however you like.

Caleb
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GreekElite
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 8:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ugh more misinterpertating readers...

i'll be sure to make it clear in the next submit that there were no...exteremes between the two...

just wait for Chapter 14, i'm sure you all won't be disapointed...
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GreekElite
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 6:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

for all that care and are still reading my series, i submitted Chapter 14 on Friday...i guess I was a little late on the submittion since it has not appeared on the site yet. So please be patient and we'll see how long till bungie.org posts up the new submits
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