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The Twelve Night Siege
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hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 4:21 pm    Post subject: The Twelve Night Siege Reply with quote

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The Twelve Night Siege
Posted by Jillybean (Jillybean@bungie.org)
20 December 2005, 4:04 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jillybean1220050404121.html
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Wado
The Hammer


Joined: 26 Jul 2004
Posts: 320

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 4:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow - nice. Definitely worth the long read. The artwork was wonderful. How long does it take to put something like this together? Looks like some work went into this.
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BS Halo rks
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Joined: 20 Dec 2005
Posts: 1
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 4:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

great story, I just read half the first part and its great, good job, artwork is cool too.
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Gammamee
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Joined: 08 Sep 2005
Posts: 46
Location: The only place a man can call home...his home...

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 5:05 pm    Post subject: 12 Reply with quote

YES!!!!! I KNEW IT!
I am extited and aching to read this Jilly, as always I am for your stories...I'll post when done. And let me just say that the artists did a miraculous job.
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russ687
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Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 720
Location: Daytona Beach, FL

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 5:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The snowy, wretchedly cold scene you depicted was wonderful; I felt the chills and my breath creating thick yet short mists into the freezing air. The scenery descriptions oddly reminded me of one of the actual Halo 1 levels, but even still I could picture the whole thing clearly. The flow of your writing was nice throughout, and I only got stuck up on a few parts.

While I haven't finished reading this, a few things jumped out that merit some attention. Don't worry, I won't do this for the whole thing.

You wrote:
Even the simple movement caused noise and commotion, Hastings was breathing heavily, and he slapped his hands together to rub some warmth into them.


That seemed like an awkwardly phrased sentence, since the interjected piece of the sentence doesn't compliment the former or the latter—as if it is some random detail. A good one to add, no doubt, but the location not the greatest.

You wrote:
Their stronghold, for want of a better word, was at the top of a small incline leading to the cliffs.


Just a suggestion, since it does make sense how you have written it, but "for lack of a better" strikes me as clearer and easier to understand. I know it's a commonly used phrase, which may be why you steered away from it, but there's a reason its commonly used.

You wrote:
A recent landslide had dislodged a few large boulders, proving sparse shelter from the elements, and a wall from any plasma bolts.


Hmm. I'm trekking into the realm of GPS errors, perhaps. "Providing" would be the word to go there, or inserting "to be" after 'prior' to make the sentence technically correct.

You wrote:
"We wait here for re-inforcements."


'Inforcements' is not a word, therefore you can't have a dash between it and the prior word. 'Reinforcements' (no dash) is a word.


Otherwise, so far, so good. I'll leave another comment once I reach the end to sum it up.

-Russ
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Jillybean
Darth Diva


Joined: 17 Dec 2004
Posts: 299

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Erm, how long? Well I got the idea few years ago to do an illustrated fic but I never got round to it.

Then round about November I realised I hadn't thought about Christmas yet. I really hate the kind of fic I do usually, so I decided to go for something different and I thought - why not put all the eggs into one basket? So I emailled these people and got them all to agree (how I'll never know)

And then I started writing the fic. Got the fic finished last week and that's it really Smile
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Zanite8
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Joined: 22 Jul 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 8:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

that was a grsat read. Brilliantly done!
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HereticHuman
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Joined: 19 Oct 2005
Posts: 4
Location: Sangheil

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Amazing work, amazing art, amazing read for the holidays! Most excellent, as always Very Happy
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Shishka
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Joined: 20 Dec 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice work, Jills.

For anyone that missed it on the HBO forum, the fanfic has been passed around the office. Jills and her illustrators have a bit of limelight.

The other artists did an excellent job. Good work, all.
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Saint Schmitty
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Joined: 17 May 2005
Posts: 34

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 11:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey, that was really good!

nice to see you still have it after all this time.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 11:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn, I want to read this so badly, but I can't, I think I'll cry, but no, I'll read it tonight. Is that Shishka from Bungie? Well, if you'll forgive me for quoting, you've drawn quite a crowd, Jillybean.
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Darkneshasfallen
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Joined: 20 Dec 2005
Posts: 1
Location: California

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 11:50 pm    Post subject: Jilly Reply with quote

Great job Jilly, I really like how it all came together.
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Red Ghost
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Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 17

PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 12:39 am    Post subject: Moving... Reply with quote

Well as a person that doesn't really ever post in the forums or even post fan fictions you don't know me...but I've read mostly all of your fan fictions and this one definitley takes the cake. First of all, just to organize a project like this shows your dedication and passion and makes you really stand out among the crowd. I thank you for sharing your work with the rest of us HBO visitors and I thank the artists for their amazing vision and style. This is probably the best storyline I have read on this website. Thanks again...I'll be looking for future fan fics from you. Cheers!
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Jillybean
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Joined: 17 Dec 2004
Posts: 299

PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 1:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

whoo!!

I'm totally drunk right now and very much in the spirit of loving so : yeah ho w veyr much I love these guys. I can't believe they all did these pics for me. The fic itself is pretty crap but he illustrations make it. They really do.

Huge round of apple sauce Wink
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Mainevent
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 796
Location: Mobel, Abalama

PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

She's sloshed boys! Get in there and raid her skills closet!
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