HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

A Halo 2 Nightmare: Part 1, The Nightmare Begins
Posted by The Meep (HaloFanatic101@yahoo.com)
16 December 2005, 2:11 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=The_Meep1216050211011.html

ShotgunGoBOOM · Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 1:24 am Post subject:

This seems alot like the crappy Into Halo story I wrote.

MCC can be more specific, I suck at giving out negative comments, i'm to soft-hearted.

Dagorath · Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 12:15 pm Post subject:

No, I thought it was pretty funny. Though you could have gone a lot more into it, describe everything. Afterall, nothing can beat real life when it comes to graphics. Anti-aliasing, anistropic filtering, and great physics. Oh, HDR as well. Oooooh.

You could also have gone into all their feelings and stuff.

Use the Code as well. It'll help you out.

Good start!

Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 9:17 pm Post subject:

Oh GOd, not another 'I was playing Halo 2 when suddenly I was warped insdie the game' story...

Mainevent · Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 9:50 pm Post subject:

Ya know Meep, this wasn't THAT bad.

Sure, a bit cliche, and definitely in need of some help, but altogether not that bad for what I assume is a first time.

Spell out those numbers more. 0=zero, etc

You split the paragraphs up alright, which didn't terribly take away from the flow, but indents would have been nice. [indent]

The descriptions could have been a bit better, but overall were the probably the best part of this story.

Hopefully you have a reason for this happening, and hopefully its good. So if you pull this off- Bravo.

The character setup was okay, had some alright attempts at humor in there, but hopefully now this gets good fast.

Otherwise it'll bomb.

Dagorath · Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 8:37 am Post subject:

It can go really psychological if you think about it. Sort of Lord of the Flies - ish (if you haven't read that book, you don't deserve to, well....).