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The Mind and the Master Part 7-The Mind

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 5:22 pm    Post subject: The Mind and the Master Part 7-The Mind Reply with quote

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The Mind and the Master Part 7-The Mind
Posted by Cthulhu117 (spartan_eric_271@yahoo.com)
11 December 2005, 9:33 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Cthulhu1171211052133321.html
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Dagorath
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Joined: 03 Apr 2005
Posts: 264
Location: Energy level 1.5

PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 2:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I assume that's the end? Well, it was OK, I guess. It seemed a little rushed: the Master says hi to John and he accepts the Master's instructions completely. No accusations, interrogation, denial, blah. It seems a little too slick to me.

Watch out for errors. I spotted one or two.

- Dag
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Azathoth
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Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 12:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, that's it. I was trying to keep in mind that it couldn't be very long between John's slipspace jump and his arrival at Earth. If you look at his relative position to the wall, he has only moved about five feet.

So, this is my fist fic series, and considering that it was written by a thirteen-year-old, I though you guys hated it a lot less than I thought you would.
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Mainevent
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 796
Location: Mobel, Abalama

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 5:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We don't HATE stories (at least I don't). But we do get annoyed when people post sotries which need much improvement and the author is unwiling to listen.
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