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Halo: The Scythe of Death Part Eleven- Finale

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 5:22 pm    Post subject: Halo: The Scythe of Death Part Eleven- Finale Reply with quote

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Halo: The Scythe of Death Part Eleven- Finale
Posted by LordofDestruction (sarcasticavenger007@yahoo.com)
10 December 2005, 2:04 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=LordofDestru1210050204161.html
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LordofDestruction
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Joined: 03 Dec 2004
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Location: Somewhere in Time

PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 6:59 pm    Post subject: Halo: Scythe of Death Part Eleven- Finale Reply with quote

Seriously, though, could i get some feedback? I need to know what i'm doing right and what i'm doing wrong
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russ687
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Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 720
Location: Daytona Beach, FL

PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 5:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, this isn't technically incorrect, but die-hards like me insist that it is. Author Notes really should be posted here on the story, unless you are referencing some information (like someone else's idea or details).

Nice job formatting this thing, and everything was easy to read. I'd give you a medal or something, but I think compliance with HBO's rules should be normal, not extradordinary. In any case, good attention to detail.

You wrote:
0342 Hours (Universal Time)


I had to chuckle at that. Universal time? Heh. Laughing

You wrote:
The driver stopped the tank momentarily, and Patton lined the mental gun sight up with the Spectre tank, and he fired the gun, without ever having to move a muscle.


It is very unnecessary for the tank to stop for an accurate shot. Even today, in the M1A2 Abrams, tanks have auto-stabilization gyros that will keep the gun level even over rough terrain.

Overall, pretty good. Personally, I didn't appreciate the historical figures used in this story, but some may find it amusing. D&D were pretty good, and only a few GPS errors lingered here or there. A single coding error that I noticed in there, and you can prevent them completely by searching for brackets (" [ " or " ] ").

-Russ
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Holy Shit! I remember way before I started writing, I can remember reading this fiction. This is what got me into writing in the first place! For some reason I only read four or so chapters so you can expect me to read all of this very soon. I will put up a review up when I'm done.

And if I haven't said it before, thanks so much for writing this; I loved it.
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LordofDestruction
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Joined: 03 Dec 2004
Posts: 8
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2006 7:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for reviewing. Very Happy

I had the tank stop in the story before firing because i figured, if you have the chance, you might as well make your shot as accurate as possible. Its better to spend 2 seconds stopping to hit the enemy then 5 seconds reloading to try again.

As for universal time, i thought it made sense, keeping everyone in the military on the same time, rather than a thousand different local times.
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