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Alien Brethren: Chapter 12: The Final Score

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 5:45 pm    Post subject: Alien Brethren: Chapter 12: The Final Score Reply with quote

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Alien Brethren: Chapter 12: The Final Score
Posted by Alex L (Greek Elite) (yoshi64y@aol.com)
7 December 2005, 11:29 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Alex_L_Greek1207052329061.html
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Pooman
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Joined: 18 Aug 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 8:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woah, excellent job! I loved that ending paragraph. Awesome job with this series Greek Elite. I really hope I can read more from you. 10/10. Perfection.
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Dojorkan
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Joined: 08 May 2005
Posts: 17
Location: *Insert lame location joke here*

PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 11:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. ALIEN BRETHREN ROCKS



Sorry, I had to get that out. But really, There cant possably be an end to this! Alei, Kaskut Baxter and the rest of the gang's story must live on! I applaid you, this is The best fanfiction I have ever read. You also did the whole brother thing a million times better than I did. But at least if this is the end you can shape the rest of the story around Halo3.

some things that did kind of bother me: did you know that par where Alei stops following you in the game is actually a glitch?
All you have to do is go back through the door you came THEN you go out to the bridge. (show you should go through the loading point twice. Then Alei will follow you till the banshee part. The hunters stay on the bridge unless you melee them all the way to the next door.

Also the elites in the jails are High Councilors. (One of them, the top one, is Land'Somalee from my fic. Very Happy I always make sure anyone in my fic that appears in game is alive through the whole level. ) Now Im going to make sure Alei doesnt die on Great Journey then I'll have to give him a beam rifle everythime I get to thebridge with that turret.... and the Tebo brothers... Thank fully they appear at the end anyway.

Anyways, I love this fic alot. If I get a capture card )and if it works) Im going to use my modded xbox to recreate same scenes from your fic. and take pics using the captre card.
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GreekElite
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
Posts: 64
Location: WIsconsin

PostPosted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 4:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dojorkan wrote:
HOLY $%*%!ng sh*t. ALIEN BRETHREN ROCKS



Sorry, I had to get that out. But really, There cant possably be an end to this! Alei, Kaskut Baxter and the rest of the gang's story must live on! I applaid you, this is The best fanfiction I have ever read. You also did the whole brother thing a million times better than I did. But at least if this is the end you can shape the rest of the story around Halo3.

some things that did kind of bother me: did you know that par where Alei stops following you in the game is actually a glitch?
All you have to do is go back through the door you came THEN you go out to the bridge. (show you should go through the loading point twice. Then Alei will follow you till the banshee part. The hunters stay on the bridge unless you melee them all the way to the next door.

Also the elites in the jails are High Councilors. (One of them, the top one, is Land'Somalee from my fic. Very Happy I always make sure anyone in my fic that appears in game is alive through the whole level. ) Now Im going to make sure Alei doesnt die on Great Journey then I'll have to give him a beam rifle everythime I get to thebridge with that turret.... and the Tebo brothers... Thank fully they appear at the end anyway.

Anyways, I love this fic alot. If I get a capture card )and if it works) Im going to use my modded xbox to recreate same scenes from your fic. and take pics using the captre card.


lol, when i saw your BIG BOLD FONT in your comment it felt glorious. Thanks for your emphasis of appreciation on this chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

I should probobly say it now that this most likely won't be the end of Alei, Baxter, and the gang. That's all i'll say right now. Once again thanks for your support and praise...that's the kind of thing that keep Alien Brethren alive so everyone who reads and comments on Alien Brethren should know that they are the blood of this series....making me the brain...or something like that.

well i knew there'd be a few flawes in this story and i'm glad you voiced it out. I kind of figured there was some sort of glitch in the game that caused them to stop right there but for those whom didn't actually KNOW that and kind of wondered "gee why don't they follow me" i wanted to put reasoning behind it...Alei's unsettled buisness, but now that i know how to fix that glitch i'm definatly going to take Alei all the way with me on Campagn next time.

Yes, to all whom read Chapter 12, i apologize for using incorrect termonology for the prisoner Elites that the Arbiter frees. I didn't know their correct name so please just look at it as a small fault.

i too was considering doing a remake of Chapter 12 on Campaign as i assume many others will do. If you do ever get a capture card and do things involving Alien Brethren, PLEASE notify me. I'd love to see what you come up with.

Well thank you again for reading and being a fan of Alien Brethren.
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 5:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

- Good, good. No small achievement.

Run-of-the-mill complaints here.

Code is the first. Yes, I know you used the damn horizontal rule tag, I know, but that in itself isn't enough. Indents, man, indents. Then we at least know you aren't cutting corners.

Allcaps. Allcaps are a little pet peeve. Bold 'em. It'll look cleaner, neater, more professional, and give you a decided edge over the rest.

Quote:
"Let's seek refuge there! Come!" Ordered the crimson Elite,"

Quote:
"The Arbiter's feeling generous!"


I wouldn't stand easy with the Let's. Let us sounds a little more Covenanty, huh? Just a suggestion. A little more formal.

Lastly, Marines. Figured they'd be a little more professional than that.

Now, onto the good stuff.

I like how the Elites are portrayed. Not too over-the-top, but not down-too-far. Good on that, and I also like how the Grunt speaks in his (slightly broken) English.

Good, keep it up. I like this series, it's turning out quite nicely.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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SpecOpsGt
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Joined: 13 Nov 2005
Posts: 16

PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 11:01 pm    Post subject: The story Reply with quote

OMFG

holy crap that was the single greatest sstory i think ive ever read. I think they should talk to u bout the Halo movie huh huh??
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