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Master Chief Inbound
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hboff
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 2:58 pm    Post subject: Master Chief Inbound Reply with quote

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Master Chief Inbound
Posted by Dagorath (hoyinshan@gmail.com)
3 December 2005, 1:13 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Dagorath1203051313121.html
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Azathoth
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great story! I hope Halo 3 is that good...
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 11:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nah. He ends up with no guns. All battered. His armour's messed up. No way.
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Azathoth
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 10:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't mean exactly like that. I just meant that I loved the story and it would be nice if Halo 3 had a plot that was that good.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 2:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was one of the best stories I've read in a while, congratulations, I really enjoyed it.
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Nick Kang
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 5:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

heh. That was really good. Though I doubt a SPARTAN could survive a fall from that height. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt because it was a cool concept.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 10:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah they can. Fred (idiot) did just that in First Strike. Though with less flair, as a matter of course. The coolant and cushioning gel and whatnot all dribble out but of course they survive. No Halo 3 if the Chief just got smushed on the surface of Earth in the beginning of the game. Not that this story is the beginning of Halo 3. Quite the contrary. It's just a fun short story.
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Nick Kang
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, but in First Strike, the jump that Fred and the other SPARTANs endured was about eight kilometers (I think). And even then some of them died. I may have just been percieving the story wrong, but the way you described it made it sound like MC was dropping from the stratosphere (about 50 kilometers).
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 11:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The transition between John sitting there thinking and him getting up and making his way very quickly to the bridge was a bit speedy. It was like, in a paragraph, he was no longer sitting quietly and had made his way all the way to the bridge of the vessel. That fast.

That didn't feel right to me. Didn't read all that well, either, IMO. The pace of the story just kicked itself to a new spot nearly instantaneously. That's not a good thing in this case.


I wasn't sure about that fall either. Yes, Fred survived that, but he was greatly slowed down by his impacts on the trees and tree limbs. Not to mention he hit soft dirt, not a solid stage. No, I don't find the fall that you had Johh survive all too realistic.

What he his wasn't all that soft. It was, instead, quite solid. I just don't see what he hit stopping him from being greatly injured. Perhaps enough to keep him down for a while. A long while.


Overall, this was pretty good. A fun read. Interesting how you started it out. Smooth material. Nice. But, it wasn't perfect. Keep working.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 8:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Points taken, MCC. By the way, what Fan Fiction have you written yourself? I can't find any under MC's Cousin, so I assume you used a different name?
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 12:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Homeboy don't write fiction.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maineven speaks truly. You won't find fiction written by me here. Sorry to disapoint. I know, it is a pretty hypocritical style.

I write for myself, and have yet to produce something for here. That could change in the future... But don't expect anything soon.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 10:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It'll be cool though. Something for us to look up to. You know you want to! Show us the power!
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 7:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, the Cousin won't show us the power anytime soon... it just ain't his style. And if he does, he'll do it under some other name. Then he'll criticize his own stories. Smile That'd be, like, killing two people with one well-placed shot. Or two birds. Your preferences.

Nice story. I really enjoyed it. It wasn't perfect, yeah, and MCC went over those bits. This is a short story, right? I wouldn't mind if this expanded into a series.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 10:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's what my friend who read this on the school computers (Shhhh) said too. Please tell me which specific points to edit. I think I want to put this on the Bungie Fans Online Medium-Length Story category. I dunno the prizes but I can guess (Halo 2 Limited Edition, Bungie shirts, action figures, maybe even DOA4). Bronzemage has already posted his. And I want to pwn him Twisted Evil .
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