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A Sentinels Tale, Part 1: 023

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 2:51 pm    Post subject: A Sentinels Tale, Part 1: 023 Reply with quote

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A Sentinels Tale, Part 1: 023
Posted by Brendan Caldwell (hawkster2001@hotmail.com)
26 September 2004, 8:11 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=brendan_cald.0926042011441.html
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I'm not all to fond of the idea of following around a sentinal. I mean, they don't have a consciousness, and so you can't get in to their "character."
This was just lacking detail, and any real substance that I could get into as well.
As for your ending, well, it was kinda odd; and I didn't know what to think.

Overall, I just think you need to use a different story idea. But, go ahead an keep on and we'll see where to take this. Otherwise, just watch out for grammar and spelling mistakes. And oh yeah, use the Code!
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Nick Kang
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 11:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, this certainly was worth the read...

It did have a certain...commonizing detail in there...kinda poetic.
But, since the main character has no active conscience, there cannot be active detail. A real problem when writing.
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