HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

A Sentinels Tale, Part 1: 023
Posted by Brendan Caldwell (hawkster2001@hotmail.com)
26 September 2004, 8:11 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=brendan_cald.0926042011441.html

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Well, I'm not all to fond of the idea of following around a sentinal. I mean, they don't have a consciousness, and so you can't get in to their "character."
This was just lacking detail, and any real substance that I could get into as well.
As for your ending, well, it was kinda odd; and I didn't know what to think.

Overall, I just think you need to use a different story idea. But, go ahead an keep on and we'll see where to take this. Otherwise, just watch out for grammar and spelling mistakes. And oh yeah, use the Code!
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-MCC

Nick Kang · Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 11:23 pm Post subject:

Well, this certainly was worth the read...

It did have a certain...commonizing detail in there...kinda poetic.
But, since the main character has no active conscience, there cannot be active detail. A real problem when writing.
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Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter.