HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

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Magna Cum Laude
Posted by Cottrelli (nick_cottrelli@msn.com)
26 September 2004, 7:33 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=cottrelli.0926041933131.html

[MC's Cousin]

You have absoultely NO Code. Fix it!

As for that SPARTAN-III being half as big as Mendez, well, I don't think so. Most Spartan-IIs are at least 7' tall. Maybe I read it wrong, or maybe you wrote it wrong, but either way, Mendez isn't a large (overly tall) person anyway.
Also, try spelling out numbers. I don't care if you have eight-hundred some things, spell it out, it just looks better in with everything else.
As for the whole "74" SPARTAN survivors is a little off. I would have had a bit more die during augmentation. Unless, of course, you started out with more than 75.
And I don't know where the hell you got the idea to have a reference to Magna cum Laude. Don't do it again, that was just plain... not right.
Plus, the whole thing where Adam had that last little talk with Mendez, well, you might like the books and all, and I certainly like them more than many people, but next time be more original. That was almost the same as when John never saw Mendez again.

Overall, the writing quality was quite good. You obviously have the talent, so let's see you use it. Keep an eye out for grammar and spelling mistakes, and keep up the work. Oh, and since you are using an idea from the books, make sure that your details are right on; you are making things up, so feel free to be as creative as you will, but your larger details that you use from the books need to be accurate. Have fun with this, but don;t crew it up; or else!
_________________
-MCC

[SYSTEM]

Yikes! I need to turn down the resolution on my monitor to make this a little easier to read.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

[Cottrelli]

alright, alright.... the "half again as large" line means one and a half times larger, not half as large.... also, Magna Cum Laude is Latin for "Much High Praise", not a crude sexual insertion.... as for the TFoR quote, my brain was empty and i needed some good fodder for an ending, so i borrowed it from the book

[SYSTEM]

Borrowing from the book is *okay* in some places. Quotes, dialogue, that's fine.

But not too much, remember. Good.



And if your brain is empty, save your work, set it aside, go out for a stroll, watch a movie, and do something invigorating.

When you feel you have more to share, then come back and do something.

Avoid the empty-brain feeling. If that ever happens, STOP working, because it's from OVERWORK.


- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

[Pajari]

Not bad- though the inspirational speech at the beginning fell a bit flat and yes, the entire story was about a graduation ceremony...

And, adding my voice to the chorus: use code.

Write on, you've got potential!

[SYSTEM]

Remember, a few working tips here.


A) Get a stereo - listen to soft music (or loud music.) Depending on your setting, you may want to hear different music. If your mood is peaceful, for example, listen to some bird songs or classical music.

B) Increase ventilation - Get a Fan of some sort. You'll want it. Keep cool when you write.

C) Ensure you have enough snacks and drinks - Avoid something TOO suguary. Get iced water by the crate, and take some unsweetened crackers too. You'll want something to munch on. If you don't like crackers, then I suggest bubble gum.

D) Before you start, be sure to have the room well lit. You will get tired and bored if the room is dark. Electric light is good, but natural sunlight is better, if you're writing on pen and paper.

E) Be sure you have a good supply of lightbulbs, stationery, and other accessories before you start. If a lightbulb burns out on you, you'll want to avoid those trips to the convienience store just to grab another.


- And of course, get some ideas before you start. Try taking one phrase or sentence, and then expanding on it.

Just think:

"What could Adam encounter - and what could he not encounter? Why so?"

Try expanding on that. You should get a TON of ideas by next morning.

And even greater. Go farther. Question my question.

"Why would Adam do this? What could be significant about the encounters?"



- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

[Mind_Affecting_Parasite]

I find that sometimes I just can't write good stuff. I'll sit down to type up a chapter, and after a couple minutes, and little progress, realise I don't have any inspiration at the moment. So, I'll go and hang with friends, read a book, play Halo, get on the phone, or something, even read a few good fics around here.
Then, when I feel a surge of creativity, and really want to write a part of a chapter I have been having difficulty with, I go for it. Heck, write down notes if you can't get to your computer.

Well, anyways, that's just what I do.

[Nick Kang]

Yeah, I find that listening to music is good inspiration.

Anyway, it was almost exactly like the graduation scene from FoR, and I've already read that about three times now...
_________________
Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter.

[MC's Cousin]

Only three times Nick? Damn, I must either read to fast or have way to much free time. Let's count the tick marks on the cover... shoot, this might take a while...
_________________
-MCC