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hboff
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Dagorath
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Joined: 03 Apr 2005
Posts: 264
Location: Energy level 1.5
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 Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | even an insane Monitor would still insist on rigid adherence to protocol. |
Really? GS seemed quite ready to throw all protocol aside when the Master was trying to unite the index with the core!
Anyway. I had thought Chapter 5 was the last one, but no! You ruined a perfectly good ending! Though this one was quite interesting. The Master does come across as a rather odd dude. He's first an obedient servant of the Forerunners, then, after a little time on Alpha Halo, he completely changes and wants to mash the Forerunners into little bits, doesn't follow orders, tears teh Forerunners' handiwork to bits (actually, he failed), and then pushes himself into someone else's computer, then randomly grabs a male and a female from each species and make them go forth and multiply. Except for his own race, which of course he loves, so he lets the pair go as a pair. Then he looks amusedly at everyone in the system, then mopes about being an ass. And now he falls in love with a dude just like him, and - you know what's happened? He's gone mad after his 100,000 years in the Control Room! Just like GS, but worse! Is this a clever tactic or just a confused sort of I'll-write-the-story-as-it-comes-to-my-head?
No GPS errors though. If you're continuing this, you'll have to improve the Master's character a little, perhaps do a little on how the Master DOESN'T have a fight with Cortana when the CHief transfers her in. Perhaps the good Master will just disappear into thin air when she goes in. Or, then again, they might become one super computer: Cortana + Master.
Or maybe not. Maybe it's time to finish this series and move on.
What happened to the poor Mind? I know he's Gravemind and all, but you called the series "The Mind and the Master". Perhaps you were better off with just "Master". |
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Azathoth
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Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.
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| Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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The mind will be next, in chapter seven.
Also, the Master has gone kind of nuts, although of course he doesn't realize it. He has just figured out that the race he has attempted to serve to the best of his ability for his entire adult life has attempted to get rid of him for reasons that will be made clear in chapter seven, he has just figured out that the Halos actually are no hope of salvation from the Flood, and he has just figured out that the Monitor doesn't give a sh*t. So he's a little bit nuts, yeah.
The story was meant to start with the master and the mind. The story ends with their final reuniting. |
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Azathoth
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Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.
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| Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 4:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Compare the Master's experience to, say, John finds out that ONI is working for the Flood. The Master doesn't have the same emotional conditioning as John, so he is a little bit more insanity-prone. |
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Dagorath
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Joined: 03 Apr 2005
Posts: 264
Location: Energy level 1.5
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| Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 1:47 pm Post subject: |
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| It's your story.... Poor MC. |
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STEEL RAIN
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Joined: 23 Jan 2006
Posts: 136
Location: WI, New York
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| Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 12:32 am Post subject: |
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| I think the master entering the Chiefs mind explains alot such as how the Chief can work the control panels on halo and how the Chief seems at home on halo |
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Dagorath
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Joined: 03 Apr 2005
Posts: 264
Location: Energy level 1.5
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 12:13 pm Post subject: |
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Nice to meet you, Steel Rain. Azathoth's writing the Commander series now: you can see the latest one on the Fan Fic webby. And (since you've only got 9 posts) I think you're new and you'll be posting one yourself soon, so prepare to be eviscerated 
Jk. Looking forward to seeing it, unless it's there already. |
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