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hboff Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4377
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SYSTEM The Hammer

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 3737 Location: Sierra Hotel.
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Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 12:17 pm Post subject: |
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OOoohhh..... Looks like we've got Halo Drugdealers in here...
This is going to be fun... Foreshadowing.....
- Dave. _________________ SYSTEM | HBOFF Administrator | "Anytime, Baby!"
I apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. I will get to you shortly. |
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Syotica Moderator

Joined: 26 Sep 2004 Posts: 578 Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 1:15 pm Post subject: |
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Good job. You know how to wite in covenant lexic . _________________ Syotica | HBOFF Global Moderator | ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ
"Just ask yourself, how important is this moment?" |
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MC's Cousin Mr. 1337

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.
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Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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Thank the makers of Halo, a good story to sooth my eyes for the day.
Though, I would have liked the (') before the Elites' last name to help destinguish them.
I really liked the idea of Covenant mercenaries and bounty hunters. gave things a differnent feel, something unique for a change.
For some reason that weapon reminded me of what would be a Covie Shotgun (which I would like to see). But, different, in ways.
I was a bit in wonderment about the parts of attitude and species interaction; like how Elites viewed the Gunts and Jackals, butI suppose a Covie based story would have to have some type of thing for things not to be totally negative.
Overall, it reminded me of playing KOTOR, and watching the movies as well. But, I was disapointed by a lack of punctuation in dialogue; I would like if you fixed that. But, the writing was very good. I'll be looking forward to your next post.
By the way, nice cliff-hangar ending. _________________ -MCC |
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OpeningAct Member

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 58 Location: In my super-fantastic time machine
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Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 5:40 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks guys, that's made my day!
To Dave : I doubt you'll be seeing any drugdealers in this fic. Sorry to disappoint.
To Insomnia : Thanks. This is my first time writing a fic from the view of a covie, so thanks.
To MC's Cousin : You know what's strange; I got the idea for this series from KOTOR and the star wars movies, so it's good you can see that in my writing.
Overall, I'll try to fix those little problems for the next part. Peace out!
-OpeningAct |
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SYSTEM The Hammer

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 3737 Location: Sierra Hotel.
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Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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Heh.
Don't worry. Drugdealers don't really count - THE BLACK MARKET DOES!
Well, as far as I'm concerned, I'm writing a Fick (Yes, that's what I say, "Fick" - Short for "Fiction") where the Chief...
...uses the force in Knights of the Old Republic,
...sneaks around undetected in Splinter Cell,
...deals some 'merchandise' in Grand Theft Auto, Vice-City,
...and goes through many of the famous Xbox games.
- Dave. _________________ SYSTEM | HBOFF Administrator | "Anytime, Baby!"
I apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. I will get to you shortly. |
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OpeningAct Member

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 58 Location: In my super-fantastic time machine
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Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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Anyone else like to comment? |
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Helljumper Member
Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 298 Location: Pittsburgh
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Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 8:35 pm Post subject: |
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That was pretty good enought though it was a little confusing at parts. keep it up.
ODST |
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Shaolin Fist Member
Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 27
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Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 3:08 am Post subject: |
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oh wow this is a good one. Exodin must be one bad-ass Grunt to give orders to Brutes. anyways 2 thumbs up.
can anyone just imagine souped-up Ghosts street racing at night? lol. Elites racing for pink slips...hahahaha. |
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OpeningAct Member

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 58 Location: In my super-fantastic time machine
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Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 8:23 pm Post subject: |
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Helljumper, what part was confusing?; I'd quite like to know.
Thanks Shaolin Fist, it's hard to come up with an original storyline nowadays. The next part's in the oven people! |
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Pajari Member
Joined: 28 Sep 2004 Posts: 100 Location: Luna
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Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 2:42 am Post subject: |
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Whew! Nice story! You clearly know how to write 'em. Nice touch with the religous refrences ('ninth age of reclamation', etc)
Keep up the good work. |
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Ain Soph Aur Member
Joined: 02 Sep 2004 Posts: 6
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 8:34 pm Post subject: |
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I liked this one. Your writing has improved. I'm looking forward to more. I just hope that this series gets finished. I noticed that the last one, "To Survive" didn't finish. I was rather getting into it...
But this one is looking good, keep it up! |
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OpeningAct Member

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 58 Location: In my super-fantastic time machine
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Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 7:20 am Post subject: |
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You actually liked my To Survive series!? Maybe one day I'll get back to finishing that series one day, if enough people want me to. |
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Chuckles Member

Joined: 29 Jul 2004 Posts: 1000 Location: Grand Rapids MI
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Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 7:42 am Post subject: |
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Very nice. Smooth, natural writing style and a good thick plot. I appreciate how you try to make the Covenant culture one that is (for the most part) different from ours.
Now, I doubt that the Covenant would also use the phrase Central Nervous System, let alone abbreviate it as CNS. I will give the benefit of the doubt and assume that this was translated for human readers.
Again, excellent job.
C.T. Clown |
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OpeningAct Member

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 58 Location: In my super-fantastic time machine
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2004 8:03 pm Post subject: |
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Thanx Chuckles.
Just to let yu know guys, I am writing the second part, I'm just taking my time to make it perfect.
Later. |
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