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The Mind and the Master Part 3-The Ring

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 4:19 pm    Post subject: The Mind and the Master Part 3-The Ring Reply with quote

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The Mind and the Master Part 3-The Ring
Posted by Cthulhu117 (spartan_eric_271@yahoo.com)
14 November 2005, 12:11 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Cthulhu1171114050011151.html
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 12:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Much better! Code, no spelling mistakes, better storyline... I like it!

Remember: "Parasite" not "parasite", the Forerunner probably won't use drop pods (too primitive) and I don't think Infection Forms burst at all when attacking: just when smushed and when in the games when they're trying to take your shield down. If an Elite's shield is down, the Infection Form would try to penetrate its spine, not pop against it.
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SYSTEM
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 3:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I guess I'll say okay to this one.

Yes; Infection forms work by latching on with their sticky tentacles; one of which tries to tap your nervous system and essentially 'hijack' your body at the control cable; your spine. It then deflates itself and fits inside the protective shell of your body. It's like a tatto; gets under your skin. I guess Flood forms don't like shields, that's why they pop. Well, I'm sure you'd be too if you tried to bite a physical manifestation of energy.

The only real problem I had with the story is you're a bit too much on the practical side. Practical sentences are great for keeping things under control, literary wise, but when you want style, practicality becomes a little well, it's like making a dish; you've got your meat, potatoes, but what about the butter, salt, and the pepper and sauces? Gotta put all that in there to make stuff taste better, huh?

Well, good luck, good job, and keep it up.

- Dave.
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"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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Azathoth
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 5:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am Cthulhu117, just so you know.

Oooh, good point about the drop pods, Dagorlath. I didn't think of that, but I didn't want a StarTrek transporter. Or anything else like that. It's scientifically impossible and cheesy.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 11:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I suggest the yellow light tube things 343 GS (our favourite construct, beating even Cortana) uses on the MC in Halo 1 (and 2?) instead. Next time round.

Or something even cooler.
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STEEL RAIN
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You explain the events leading up to the first firing so well I surprised you put your theory into a story and not on the info page of HBO.
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