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The War of the Seriachs (Part I, Prologue)

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:40 am    Post subject: The War of the Seriachs (Part I, Prologue) Reply with quote

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The War of the Seriachs (Part I, Prologue)
Posted by iSoMnIa (sjp0131@hotmail.com)
24 September 2004, 12:01 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=isomnia.0924040001181.html
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 3:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Sigh* Rolling Eyes Well, you need to use the Code. Please use the Code!

Try to avoid copying things directly from the books; use books contained details, but don't "copy and paste".
Oh, when you name an Elite, use a (') before the last name (ie- Zuka 'Zamamee)
Work on paragraphing; make sure you have a seperate paragraph each time someone speaks.
Use more detail as well, it will serve to give us readers a much better picture of what is going on.
Also, make sure you watch your grammar. And make sure you capitalize everything that needs to be.

Overall, it was okay, but your inclusion of an AvP reference didn't strike me as something that would be that good. Adding an awesome two races doens't necissarily make your story better; the quality of your own writing is what counts. So get to work on it.
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echo3kilo
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 6:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ummm...i just got really confused. i couldn't tell who was talking, at all, so the ending became sort of weird to me...
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 6:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have a talent for writing, so don't waste in on a Halo/AVP hybrid. I was liking your story right up until I realized what you were doing. There are plenty of different aliens in the Covenant forces already. Adding cluttters things up.

C.T. Clown
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Syotica
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Joined: 26 Sep 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 1:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, do you think I should drop this series? AVP/COVENANT was what I was intending to do. Sad
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 4:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You should probably practice on a simpler story first. Come up with an easier less cluttered storyline for us.
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 9:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm going to drop this and focus on a new world instead. *Points at Signature*
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