HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Part IV: The Truth

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:13 pm    Post subject: Part IV: The Truth Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Part IV: The Truth
Posted by DarkZipper (crayolaj@comcast.net)
5 November 2005, 8:46 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=DarkZipper1105052046551.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
DarkZipper
Member


Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Posts: 18

PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 12:05 am    Post subject: The Plot Thickens Reply with quote

This is where everything really comes together. After this, you're gonna see a whole lot more than speeches and discoveries...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Wellington
Member


Joined: 30 Sep 2005
Posts: 110
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 7:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Again, you are doing a good job in presenting your story. You are showing the events from a different perspective and from the beginning with some nice explanations along the way. It is done well. You have added some original additions, too, like that the Heretic leader is not a warrior at all and that the weapons the Heretics use are produced from the facility itself. Also you explained why the Arbiter was chosen when so unlikely. It is these little details that can really captivate a reader.

I would say, however, that this particular installment, while solid for the first two thirds, suffered in the final section. The perspective changed confusingly and jarringly and some of the grammar near the end was a bit sloppy. Also, while your story is becoming more three dimensional with each entry, I would say you should still add a little depth. Put a little meat on there! Smile

Overall, good work. I enjoyed the read.

- Arthur
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
DarkZipper
Member


Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Posts: 18

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 12:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank's Wellington. I'm trying to get closer and closer to perfection with each installment. It's not going to be perfect by the end, but hey; practice makes better, not perfect
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
DarkZipper
Member


Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Posts: 18

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 1:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

By the way, I've sent in part five. It'll probably be up tomorrow.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group