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A Big Grunty Thirst

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 5:36 pm    Post subject: A Big Grunty Thirst Reply with quote

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A Big Grunty Thirst
Posted by Master Kim (maimkim@hotmail.com)
4 November 2005, 11:59 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Master_Kim1104051159441.html
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Wellington
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Joined: 30 Sep 2005
Posts: 110
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You used no capitals, even for "I". The poem format was askew. The rhymes were at times off. There were flow problems, especially at the end.

The content wasn't bad, actually, it was amusing and some rhymes worked well. It just had no polish on it. Actually, it had minus polish. It was covered in mud, basically.

There is no way you can expect people to admire your poem when you spent so little time on the very basics.

- Arthur
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Master Kim
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Location: Warwick, Rhode Island, USA, North America, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way

PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 8:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I admit the flow problems at the end, but there was a reason for not capitalizing all the letters besides the first line. ("Oh, how thirst am I?")

I didn't use capitalization on the rest of the poem because I wanted the reader to feel like she or he was reading something written by a grunt. Grunts are relatively short in stature, so I thought that the lower case "I"s would give the reader some kind of subtle sense of the grunt. Those "errors" were meant to give the poem a feel. I thought since poems can be interpreted in many ways, I decided to give the poem a feel by not using any capital errors and periods, except at the beginning and at the end. Notice the first sentence, with the capital letter, and the only period in the poem at the end of the poem. As if the whole poem was just a sentence, instead of a whole poem. Seeming to be shorter, like the grunt himself. Get it? You can tell I intentionally put those grammar errors on this poem, because as you've read my post, you can see I am no D- English student. I put those grammar errors in because I can. It's a poem, and like I mentioned earlier, you can interpret a poem in anyway you can.

Thanks for compliment about the content, btw.
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Wellington
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Joined: 30 Sep 2005
Posts: 110
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 9:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I see. I was indeed surprised to see no spelling errors with no capitalization. I guess I can see where you were coming from, but it wasn't especially clear. It's always a bit jarring to see a lower case "i".
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Michael Archer
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Joined: 19 Aug 2004
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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada, North America, Earth, Inner Planets, Too bad it won't let me go farther.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 11:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No captitals? Not even the "I"'s are capital? "Not even the first letter in every line? Captials man, Capitals. That's pretty much all. Capitals and you wouldn't have written a damn good poem.
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 11:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

At first I thought this was too corny, but by the middle I was getting (and enjoying) the joke. Nicely done. You did very well with your rhyming scheme, although it did start to fall apart towards the end. Still, I thought it was skillfully written and you seemed to hit just the groove you were aiming for. We'll need to see more from you Very Happy

C.T. Clown
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Nick Kang
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 1:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice. Pretty amusing. As everyone else said, it did kinda fall apart by the end, but a couple minutes of brainstorming can always fix that.
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Giggles the Grunt
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Joined: 04 Sep 2005
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 6:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That poem was pretty good
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The Arbitress
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Joined: 11 Dec 2004
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Location: Discussing high energy astrophysics with The Arbiter

PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 1:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm, pretty good poem. At first I just thought you had taken my previous philosophy to heart (that being the belief that the shift key is evil) but it did help portray the character as a juvanile creature.
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