HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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An Unggoy Life: Chapter 33: Deathtrap
Posted by CrazyGrunt (thomas-hoskins@comcast.net)
30 October 2005, 7:49 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=CrazyGrunt1030051949291.html

jmizzer · Member Joined: 11 Oct 2005 Posts: 13

nice job i really like your stories.

Zephyr · Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 10:16 pm Post subject:

I haven't been here in so long, its hard to tell what you were talking about. But still, I can see one thing: You have improved drastically from the last stories of yours I read.
Suddenly was used a bit too repetitively in the first section.
_________________
For what is a man profited, if he should gain the whole world, but lose his soul?

Imperorator_Jon · Member Joined: 29 Oct 2005 Posts: 97 Location: Moop?

good to see that your fresh on ideas. Well I like how you improved from the first story to the last. Only thing I can see that wrong with it is that its getting a little spinned off mabey you should try to get it focused on the TRUE path of the story. But in another light you've gotten to the point of beating, Pokey I think, in Battle For Noah