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An Unggoy Life: Chapter 33: Deathtrap

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 3:51 pm    Post subject: An Unggoy Life: Chapter 33: Deathtrap Reply with quote

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An Unggoy Life: Chapter 33: Deathtrap
Posted by CrazyGrunt (thomas-hoskins@comcast.net)
30 October 2005, 7:49 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=CrazyGrunt1030051949291.html
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jmizzer
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Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 13

PostPosted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 9:22 pm    Post subject: Re: An Unggoy Life: Chapter 33: Deathtrap Reply with quote

nice job i really like your stories.
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Zephyr
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Joined: 25 May 2005
Posts: 275
Location: im at ur moms house lol

PostPosted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 10:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I haven't been here in so long, its hard to tell what you were talking about. But still, I can see one thing: You have improved drastically from the last stories of yours I read.
Suddenly was used a bit too repetitively in the first section.
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Imperorator_Jon
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Joined: 29 Oct 2005
Posts: 97
Location: Moop?

PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 2:09 am    Post subject: good job Reply with quote

Smile good to see that your fresh on ideas. Well I like how you improved from the first story to the last. Only thing I can see that wrong with it is that its getting a little spinned off mabey you should try to get it focused on the TRUE path of the story. But in another light you've gotten to the point of beating, Pokey I think, in Battle For Noah
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