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A Marines Life Chapter 0
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 3:50 pm    Post subject: A Marines Life Chapter 0 Reply with quote

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A Marines Life Chapter 0
Posted by Tamir Klien (BaldEagles7@earthlink.net)
29 October 2005, 4:25 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Tamir_Klien1029050425241.html
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Caleb the Jackal
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Joined: 11 Jan 2005
Posts: 369
Location: Are you crazy!?

PostPosted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 5:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here we go again. Okay please use coding. We want paragraphs. Honest to goodness paragraphs. So please before you post another one use code.

Next off was your use of tense. You switched from first person to second person too often. Try to keep it one or the other. I would advise avoiding first person because that is a bit to hard for newer less experience writers.

Finally watch out for you GPS errors. Those downgrade your story considerably. If you work on all of this your story will be much better. We want you to write better so please take our advice.

Keep working,

Caleb
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Wellington
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Joined: 30 Sep 2005
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 12:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Use code and proper paragraph format. Otherwise your story is not worth commenting on.
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TK262
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Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 39

PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 12:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jackel i have a question for you. What is a GPS error? Also i used paragraphs they might be longer than people are suppose to have em but thats just my way of writing. So if you dont like it deal with it. Another thing well you didnt really say what you thought of the story. I would much rather like it if people said what they thougt of the story instead of being the " PFGAS" ( police for grammer and spelling) It would be nice once in a while if people where the PFGAS but some people go on and on rambeling about what i did wrong and not how they liked the story.

P.S. for all of you who post thing i might us the term PFGAS so just go back to this post to see what it means or just remember it. One more thing what the hell is "code". ^_^
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Pooman
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Joined: 18 Aug 2005
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 12:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If I had a code link I would give it to you. I liked this story, it was a nice change from your other ones. 9.1/10
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Caleb the Jackal
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 12:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

GPS= Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling

And it is Jackal... Please get it right. And if you don't know what code is look in the "Directions for Use" link on the submissions page.

And I didn't like the story. There. You happy? If you don't work on GPS then I am not going to like your story. I am really sorry but that is how it works.

If you hate all of the ingredients that are in cookies will you eat them? No you won't. Likewise with a story. I don't want to "choke down" a story. I want to sit down to a feast and eat until I can't eat anymore. With your story it is like I take a bite and am ready for more but there isn't any more.

I am not flaming you. I am trying to help you.

Please take what I said into consideration.

Caleb

Oh and you did not use paragraphs and I will not just deal with it. I am about freaking tired of your crap.
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Guardian
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 2:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Caleb has a point.

Just one question

What on God's green Earth is CHAPTER 0?

Correct me if i'm wrong; Dave, Main, Wiley, Cold, Caleb, 'Som and everyone else i know.

But wtfmate, Chapter 0????

::stares at screen in sadness:: what has hboff gotten too...?
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Caleb the Jackal
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 2:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Amen. *Takes hat off*

Instead of Chapter Zero you should put "A Marines Life: Prologue"

Something like that. Or just leave it off entirely.

Caleb
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TK262
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

k fisrt of all Jackle so wat story are u talking about because online u said a marines life had great potential. And for u shadow, i didnt want a proluge for the starting because proluges are usually a little bit before the story actually starts. In my opinion a Chapter 0 would be like the starting of the story sort of like a proluge but not qite. And one last thing if u read the book Battle Royal you would understand why i used a Chapter 0 instead of a proluge.
P.S. Read Battle Royal, its like Lord of the Flys but its alot more different in ways. The author is Koushin Takahami. " I think thats how u speel his name... Smile
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Imperorator_Jon
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 2:19 am    Post subject: THE CODE IS THE MASTER Reply with quote

listen up and listen good this story requires the CODE CODE CODE we know that this MAY be a first story but please READ THE F***ING PRINT Evil or Very Mad] . The place Does have rules. But like the others say just add some code and try and keep first person to the pros.






overall Ill give you a 7.5/10 its good a little improvement and you can be a pro
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Guardian
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 2:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think you need to leave Hboff, because you're not doing anything to improve your writing.

Its Lord of the Flies, you spell Flies with an i and e, not y.
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sdn
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 5:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What's wrong with Chapter 0? Maybe he's a programmer...
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Guardian
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 8:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

there's no such thing as Chapter 0. its absurd bloody nonsense.
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 10:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey guys (excluding the author)? Shut up. Thanks.


Tk262, let me welcome you to HBO Fan Fiction, since no one else seems to have done so. Of course, I am under the presumption that you are new here. If this is not so, I must have simply not seen you around before. But, whatever the case, I welcome you here. I'm glad to have you around.

And don't be discouraged by some of the comments you may receive here. Some people can be impatient. Remember guys, you did choose to read this story, the author did not make you do so. I don't want any flaming going on here, keep things constructive and pleasant. Geez. Have I taught you nothing in my time here?


Alright.

The Code is the system that you have to use here in order to include text effects and formatting effects. Stuff like bold, underline, and italics. On the formatting side, indents and horizontal rules; the former being exactly what it is written as: an indent. A horizontal rule is a line that goes across the screen; it can be a great aid in breaking up sections of your story that could use a substantial break.

The link is in the submission page, and I can't really take excuses for someone not clicking on said link. But, I'm not gonna yell at you for it. Just click on the link in my signature and read away. The stuff there is all you need to know to post here at HBOFF.


Now, there is something that I would like to address with your posts. It would be appreciated if you put a bit more effort into them. You know, format them a bit, use good spelling. It just makes you look more presentable; and people like to see that. Part of it is, quite honestly, a respect thing. Now, you might not care all to much about that here, but it an important thing to consider.

The same goes for stories. The better it looks at first glance, the more a reader will want to go through it. If you were to open a book and see text that was not formatted, that included a lot of Grammer, Punctuation, and Spelling mistakes (otherwise known as GPS, as you have been told). And I like that little PFGAS thing, by the way.


Right. Onto this "Chapter 0" business.

That is not a proper name for a chapter. 0 would indicate that the chapter does not exist. I would have normally said a Prologue, but you seem to not be to keen on that idea. Well, there is another word for a pre-chapter: Prelude. Normally it is reserved for stuff out in by the author, but it can also be used as a precursor to the main body of the story if you wish. However, an Afterword is never an actual part of the story (or at least I have not seen it as such). Just so you know.


So, I hope that I will see more writing from you in the future. Just make sure to listen to the advice you are given and take it to mind. And if you ever have any questions or problems, don't hesitate to send me a PM. I'm always here for that kind of stuff.

Good luck.
_________________
-MCC
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sdn
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 12:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't see why there can't be a chapter 0. It's not a rule, and if it is, i't s a pretty stupid one. Relax.

He hasn't comitted any crime by not writing 'prelude' or 'prologue'. It's a matter of personal choice. Some people believe our number system starts with zero. And most people believe 0 comes before 1. Either way, it makes sense.
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