HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Apologies
Posted by SeverianofUrth (severn117@gmail.com)
28 October 2005, 6:25 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=SeverianofUr1028051825461.html

thedarkfire · Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 5:34 pm Post subject:

Deep, and I totally got this one.

Great use of narrative in a poem, original for this place.

Caleb the Jackal · Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 5:46 pm Post subject:

Very good. I liked this alot. This was off the beaten path and that made me want to read it even more.

9/10

Caleb

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 6:55 pm Post subject:

Thanks, Dark. Thanks, Caleb. I'm surprised at how fast I got comments for this thing. Very Happy

Caleb the Jackal · Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 7:37 pm Post subject:

Don't worry man. It only slightly bothered the flow. Still didn't hurt it worth mentioning on our part.

Caleb

Guardian · Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 9:21 pm Post subject:

you posted!!

::hails you::

Wellington · Member Joined: 30 Sep 2005 Posts: 110 Location: Canada

In a poem each new stanza needs a capital letter. I also found it often didn't flow as well as it should have.

The content was pretty poetic, kinda darkly humorous. It was alright.

- Arthur

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 3:56 pm Post subject:

Conrad Lauf · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 139 Location: Australia

I really liked this poem. I thought it was dark, gritty, and realistic.
Keep it up!

Connie

Chuckles · Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 12:03 pm Post subject:

Nice job, Sev. Good, deep poetry. As usual, you leave the reader in suspense until the end. More than any other writer here, you are comfortable enough to leave some things up to the reader, rather than explaining everything in detail. That is a strength, not a weakness.

C.T. Clown

Nick Kang · Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 1:15 am Post subject:

Nice one. A good, original, non-rhyming poem is always welcome, especially one as dark and gritty as this.
_________________
Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter.

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 9:18 am Post subject:

Some very creative poetry here, Sev. I loved it.

russ687 · Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:15 pm Post subject:

I don't usually read short poetic peices, but everytime I see your name, Sev, I feel compelled to. Why? Because your great at them.

I liked how this was a mixture of humor, of reality, and then of emotion. Excellent job. You have a very distinct style.

By the way, what did you mean by...?

Dagorath · Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 3:22 am Post subject:

Just decided to read some of your fic, Severian. Very impressive. I really liked the flow and the subtleties inside the poem.

But I don't think they sell their kids to be Spartans.

SYSTEM · Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 7:22 pm Post subject:

- Wow, how the hell do I keep missing great things?
I feel sad knowing now what I was missing out on!

Well, I've got to say, this was a very interesting story; I couldn't tell if it was a story or a poem, but either way, it still works. Heh. I've got to say, sometimes I wonder what kinda sicko it took to dream up the entire Spartan programme... and how he did it. It makes one wonder. When I think of these things, I keep telling myself it's just a scifi thing intended to give us thinkers the jitters and the creeps, but with stuff like this? No way, it seems so real... so vivid. The more you think about some certain subject, the weirder things get, and this is one of those creepy subjects where there's no right or wrong answer; all we have is the creepy information and the harsh, brutal result, and the ability to draw our own solutions.

- It gives me the creeps sometimes.

And to quote Bungie; sometimes I give myself the creeps, sometimes my mind plays tricks on me.

- Dave.

Post Script - This is my 1400th post. It's been a long time, hasn't it? I still miss those days of the old system, but whatever. I guess we can't just live with our heads in the past, can we? Heh heh heh.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.