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Long Time Gone Part 18

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:39 am    Post subject: Long Time Gone Part 18 Reply with quote

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Long Time Gone Part 18
Posted by grylsy (grylsy@hotmail.com)
22 September 2004, 4:06 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=grylsy.09220404061518.html
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 9:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I have to admit, my attention is waining with this story. Ever wonder why Eric Nylund only described parts of the Spartans' training? Nothing to hold anyone's interest.
Don't get me wrong, the writing is alright; you just need something soon to get this story back to something that pulls us all in.
One of my complaints about the writing was that you needed to separate different time and stuff. Sicne you alrady have a double-space between everything, you need more between transitions in time or place.
Also, you still need to work on some of your grammar and small spelling mistakes; just smooth things out, make everything look a lot nicer overall.

Overall, the writing is of pretty good quality; but the stories are becoming more like descriptives than good narratives.
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