HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4355

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Insanity-02
Posted by GLADIATRRR3000 (gladiatrrr3000@hotmail.com)
23 October 2005, 10:03 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=GLADIATRRR301023052203501.html

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 5:07 am Post subject:

And nobody's reading this why?

Great stuff, the dialogue between characters is outstanding, and again, I can't wait to see where this leads (although I have a vague idea) Wink

.

Finish the next one and hurry up!

And don't worry, I'm sure more people will review this... and if they don't. *holds up knife and smiles*

Twisted Evil

Yeah, kinda like that.

russ687 · Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 4:15 pm Post subject:

Detail in the beginning was good, but lacked towards the ending. I couldn't visualize the scenery of the camp, and it all seemed very distant. I know this is a flashback, but you've got to fill in the space with substance that allows the reader to literally see what's going on.

I appreciated your humour in here, nice job there. Dialogue was done well, and the only other contention I have is plot-progression. This was quite short, and you could fit a lot more into it if you took a little more time. Don't forget that you need to cover a certain amount of ground in each installment, so keep that in mind as you write part three. I'm looking forward to it.

-Russ

thedarkfire · Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 4:19 pm Post subject:

Alright GLAD, good to see you posting again; and not just at the cafe.

This is for both stories by the way.

I loved em! Dialouge was spot-on.

Gimme more now.