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Alien Brethren: Chapter 8: The Nightmare Returns

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 3:41 pm    Post subject: Alien Brethren: Chapter 8: The Nightmare Returns Reply with quote

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Alien Brethren: Chapter 8: The Nightmare Returns
Posted by Alex L (Greek Elite) (yoshi64y@aol.com)
21 October 2005, 12:01 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Alex_L_Greek1021050001591.html
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Pooman
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Joined: 18 Aug 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This chapter was kind of depressing... Anyways, I liked it alot, that grunt is just cute, the jackal is a coward. Kepp up the great work! 9.4/10
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GreekElite
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
Posts: 64
Location: WIsconsin

PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 12:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BRING ON THE COMMENTS!
I'm not sure how long it'll take to my next chapter but I hope i'll finish SOON!
By the way, since you guys are reading and commenting and etc, I have an offer...I've been making funny screenshot quotes on Word and anyone who wants to see these screenshot quotes can e-mail me at yoshi64y@aol.com. They're pretty funny, and if you'd like to see them, just ask. I may be offering other material to send in the future...
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Gammamee
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Joined: 08 Sep 2005
Posts: 46
Location: The only place a man can call home...his home...

PostPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2005 7:18 pm    Post subject: Story Reply with quote

Dude thanks for the mention. That was awesome, I didn't think I was that important for a reference to Alien Brethren. Just so you know I am so excited to read...
I haven't read it yet I just decided to take the time to tell you some things...
I have undergone Heretic Follower and Alei is in there. Kaskut, Baxter, Betronus, and Lib are in there too. I will get to the Hunter Brothers in a few paragraphs. Alei is on a island, and is repelling Covenant borders with his squad. While Kaskut takes time to fix a comm device that is on the ravaged volcanic island. He calls to Hydra's ship, the Effectual Chastity and Hydra and 'Rahanammee drop into the island via pods. They eventually reach Alei and when they get there...
I ain't gonna spoil..
But just know your character's reputation is in good hands. I promise I will not deter Alei's profile. I have read all your work and I think I have him down...
I was thinking about sending you a copy, but I need to know your MSN so I can tell you and talk to you keyboard to keyboard.
Thanks so much for letting me use Alei.
And I hope that you take advantage of Hydra in your story. (If you decide to use him) As with this story I have already wasted a good 3 minutes of my life, because I am not reading HALO!
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Gammamee
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Joined: 08 Sep 2005
Posts: 46
Location: The only place a man can call home...his home...

PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:40 pm    Post subject: Story Reply with quote

Sorry Greek Elite that I didn't get around to commenting this story.
You are getting so much better, the way they talk, all the conversations is just clever and the visual describing of the environments is amazing. It was kinda sad when his family died to the Flood-did they die? And I am anticipating the anger to come out of Alei. And I am really anticipating some action in the next stories...
And I just got done with Heretic Follower but I still need to get it submitted. Keep looking for my work and good writing!
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Caleb the Jackal
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Joined: 11 Jan 2005
Posts: 369
Location: Are you crazy!?

PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 3:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well this was rather good. One thing I will warn about though was your AN.

All of the things that you said in that AN were not even supposed to be in an AN. Authors note's are meant to be about the story. Not shout outs to your girlfriend or advertising for other authors. You can do all that here in the forums.

Try to make your stories as professional looking as you can. This will help you maintain credibility as an author and as a professional writer.

The content was very good. There were some minor gramar and punctuation errors but all in all they are just things that could be fixed by working on proofreading.

Keep it up. 8/10

Caleb
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Syotica
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Joined: 26 Sep 2004
Posts: 578
Location: Upper Peninsula, Michigan

PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really didn't like that Authors Note.
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Caleb the Jackal
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Joined: 11 Jan 2005
Posts: 369
Location: Are you crazy!?

PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 4:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah I was wrong to even call it an Authors Note. That was like a personal add, a classifieds, and a smelly piece of nastyness all smushed into one.

Let me tell you a story.

I am making brownies. I am putting in all of the good ingredients such as cocoa, butter, egg whites, and vanilla extract among other delicious ingredients. But I see just a little bit of dog poo on the floor. Well I decide that there is so little of that poo that it couldn't possibly hurt with all the other good stuff. Well are you going to eat those brownies.

Whats that? Your not going to eat them? Why? Because there is crap in them! That is why we like to leave those "Personals" out of our stories. So you don't mess them up or make them worse.

So with that said think about it.

Caleb
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