HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Waking is Over-rated

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 3:34 pm    Post subject: Waking is Over-rated Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Waking is Over-rated
Posted by AI Construct (Death_Of_A_God@hotmail.com)
18 October 2005, 4:13 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=AI_Construct1018050413061.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
TK262
Member


Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 39

PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 12:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice it was good....where was it exactly on Halo? and u didnt metion any of the peoples names to that was a little confusing. I might sound sort of hypocritical but u had some mistakes...so i gave it a 7.4 out of a 10. Keep up the good work!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Nick Kang
Member


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 688
Location: Michigan State University

PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 2:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was pretty good. There were some formatting errors though, particularly a few instances where a new line began before the other was finished. You used the Code, but only on the first paragraph. Try to add indents throughout your entire story.

You also had some grammatical errors, such as:
[quote=Grammatical Run-On]The roars scared the smaller grunts, but not the Wraiths, who, with the loud noises of our snipers, fired at their position, and soon, the rest of the marines and I, were the last line of defense, a grim thought, but true non the less.[/quote]

You could separate that into two or three sentences. Commas can be tricky, so make sure you don't get swamped by them (I'm sure it wasn't intentional Wink).

The story used a few good terms, such as 'blindsided,' but you were straying pretty close to Super Marine-dom. I doubt a single Marine could take out all of those baddies, though I suppose it is possible if he is skilled enough. Destroying the Wraith was going a bit too far, though.

You didn't have very much character development there, and I'm not sure if you meant that, but it didn't seem to hurt anything.
_________________
Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
TK262
Member


Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 39

PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 6:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

nick kang...wat do u mean by code?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 8:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hit the directions for use.

They're above the submission form; remember that they're your responsibility to read.

The code is a series of BBcode tags similar to the ones we use here. Remember that plain text formatting will remove all the internal coding we see in MS word and such, so the BBcode is all you have.

Remember to indent every time your character begins a new line.

The first guy says,
[indent] "Something."
The second guy replies,
[indent] "Something else."

Like that.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Tin Can Man
Member


Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 170

PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That conversation is so much like my life.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group