HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

Waking is Over-rated
Posted by AI Construct (Death_Of_A_God@hotmail.com)
18 October 2005, 4:13 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=AI_Construct1018050413061.html

[TK262]

Nice it was good....where was it exactly on Halo? and u didnt metion any of the peoples names to that was a little confusing. I might sound sort of hypocritical but u had some mistakes...so i gave it a 7.4 out of a 10. Keep up the good work!

[Nick Kang]

It was pretty good. There were some formatting errors though, particularly a few instances where a new line began before the other was finished. You used the Code, but only on the first paragraph. Try to add indents throughout your entire story.

You also had some grammatical errors, such as:
[quote=Grammatical Run-On]The roars scared the smaller grunts, but not the Wraiths, who, with the loud noises of our snipers, fired at their position, and soon, the rest of the marines and I, were the last line of defense, a grim thought, but true non the less.[/quote]

You could separate that into two or three sentences. Commas can be tricky, so make sure you don't get swamped by them (I'm sure it wasn't intentional ).

The story used a few good terms, such as 'blindsided,' but you were straying pretty close to Super Marine-dom. I doubt a single Marine could take out all of those baddies, though I suppose it is possible if he is skilled enough. Destroying the Wraith was going a bit too far, though.

You didn't have very much character development there, and I'm not sure if you meant that, but it didn't seem to hurt anything.
_________________
Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter.

[TK262]

nick kang...wat do u mean by code?

[SYSTEM]

Hit the directions for use.

They're above the submission form; remember that they're your responsibility to read.

The code is a series of BBcode tags similar to the ones we use here. Remember that plain text formatting will remove all the internal coding we see in MS word and such, so the BBcode is all you have.

Remember to indent every time your character begins a new line.

The first guy says,
[indent] "Something."
The second guy replies,
[indent] "Something else."

Like that.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

[Tin Can Man]

That conversation is so much like my life.