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Halo The Movie

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 1:04 pm    Post subject: Halo The Movie Reply with quote

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Halo The Movie
Posted by woongsin (woongsin@sbcglobal.net)
20 September 2004, 4:46 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=woongsin.0920040446021.html
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Nick Kang
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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Location: Michigan State University

PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This would never, ever, in a thousand million years, pass as a movie.

The entire thing about writing it in script form simply will not do for fan fiction.

The dialogue was somewhat cheesy...a single injection would not repair Keyes' knee...it might sterilize or numb it, but definitley would not repair it.

The thing was devoid of detail...I realize that usually movie scripts are, but writing it in script form is not a good idea.

Try re-writing it in story form, so people will understand it better...

Other than that...

Good Luck Very Happy
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 9:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry, but I couldn't read that. I agree with Kang, don't write fiction in script form. You need detail to make a story interesting, so leaving it out makes things much worse. I would also suggest to try and write this over in story form.
That's all I want to say right now, other than watch you details and use the code.
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Grunt-Boy
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Location: In a land so myserious, so desolate, so...so...um...o well i just live in South Carolina

PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The dialogue was pretty annoying. Keyes:, Cortana:, all annoying. I don't like movie scripts. Mad And I dont like YOU! Twisted Evil

naw just kidding about the don't like you.
But I was serious about the dialogue.


the end.
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 12:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cheesy dialogue.
Out-of-character characters.
And several very poorly thought out parts.
The scripty also doesn't go along with the story.

Short and simple.
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 6:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A few fact problems here:

--The Pillar of Autumn was in space, not on Reach, when the Covenant attacked. They were near Reach, but not on it.

--800 million tons is WAAAAAYYYYYY bigger than any ship yet mentioned in Halo. Heck, we're talking something like the Death Star here.

--100,000 marines? The Pillar wasn't that big. Thinking Death Star again, are we? Maybe the Star Wars DVD release is affecting your brain.

--Your references to space phenomena (black holes, for instance) show little or no understanding.

Hey, if I'm ignorant about something that I am considering writing about, I either study to make it correct, or I leave it out altogether. When you start sounding ignorant, you have lost your reader. Also, when you have your characters talk, give them something to say. It's not enough to have Keyes yell, "@#!%&!!, get over there and help those marines, @#$@$ you!" Yes, you need to do more that swear to make your military dialogue believable.

Don't give up, but please try harder.
Keep writing.

C.T. Clown
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 4:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My Gawd!

It's too late for abortion! You deserve capital punishment!

- Dave.
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