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Warning- Hitch Hikers May Be Escaping Convicts: Chapter 2

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 2:02 pm    Post subject: Warning- Hitch Hikers May Be Escaping Convicts: Chapter 2 Reply with quote

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Warning- Hitch Hikers May Be Escaping Convicts: Chapter 2
Posted by Spartan 034 (zack_034@hotmail.com)
15 October 2005, 10:58 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Spartan_0341015052258201.html
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Pooman
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Joined: 18 Aug 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 3:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, this was a good chapter. It really showed how furious and crazy the brute's are. Great job! 9.0/10
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thedarkfire
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Joined: 03 Aug 2004
Posts: 1045
Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 5:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not too bad of an action sequence there 034.

I noticed that this went by a little too quick. Also I saw some repitition using the word "warrior" too much. Always try to kee variety when writing, especially names.
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 168
Location: Team Mate in combat... Waiting to respawn

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow... It's getting better but could still use a little work. You were a little redundant with the word warrior and there were only some minor dlaws in the elites personalities.

Overall, It was good. keep up the good work.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 6:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was a bit short, and the title could have been more original, but still pretty good.
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