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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4351
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 Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 6:26 pm Post subject: Warning- Hitch Hikers May Be Escaping Convicts: Chapter 1 |
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This topic is for posting comments to:
Warning- Hitch Hikers May Be Escaping Convicts: Chapter 1
Posted by Spartan 034 (zack_034@hotmail.com)
11 October 2005, 11:10 pm
http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Spartan_0341011052310351.html |
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thedarkfire
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Joined: 03 Aug 2004
Posts: 1045
Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!
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| Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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Be glad your first paragraph took my attention, cause this text wall of doom hurts.
| Quote: | | It was stretched into a long oval, protecting the Sangheili user's full body. |
Kind of like the old Beta shields in old Halo sreen shots, interesting.
| Quote: | | Secure the grave lift. |
I'll assume you mean grav.
Ok that, was all during my reading of the story.
You have brought up a very interesting concept with the use of slaves.
What I liked:
-The backround
-Possible depth the story could go in
-Introduction
What I didn't like:
-TEST WALL OF DOOM (double space those paragraphs)
-NO CODE (the instructions are on the submission form, come on!) |
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 168
Location: Team Mate in combat... Waiting to respawn
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| Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 4:59 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, the same problems as what he said. I really did like the story though and you got the Elites personalities right. If this is a series then it has alot of potential.
P.S. The title is the whole reason I bothered to read it in the first place. Give your fics good titles and that helps attract readers. |
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Pooman
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Joined: 18 Aug 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Kentucky
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| Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 4:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah I read this story beacuse of the title too. Anyways this is a really intresting concept. I'm excited to see where this goes. 8.9/10 |
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