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Warning- Hitch Hikers May Be Escaping Convicts: Chapter 1

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 6:26 pm    Post subject: Warning- Hitch Hikers May Be Escaping Convicts: Chapter 1 Reply with quote

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Warning- Hitch Hikers May Be Escaping Convicts: Chapter 1
Posted by Spartan 034 (zack_034@hotmail.com)
11 October 2005, 11:10 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Spartan_0341011052310351.html
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thedarkfire
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Joined: 03 Aug 2004
Posts: 1045
Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Be glad your first paragraph took my attention, cause this text wall of doom hurts.

Quote:
It was stretched into a long oval, protecting the Sangheili user's full body.


Kind of like the old Beta shields in old Halo sreen shots, interesting.


Quote:
Secure the grave lift.


I'll assume you mean grav.

Ok that, was all during my reading of the story.

You have brought up a very interesting concept with the use of slaves.

What I liked:

-The backround
-Possible depth the story could go in
-Introduction


What I didn't like:

-TEST WALL OF DOOM (double space those paragraphs)
-NO CODE (the instructions are on the submission form, come on!)
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 168
Location: Team Mate in combat... Waiting to respawn

PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 4:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, the same problems as what he said. I really did like the story though and you got the Elites personalities right. If this is a series then it has alot of potential.

P.S. The title is the whole reason I bothered to read it in the first place. Give your fics good titles and that helps attract readers.
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Pooman
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Joined: 18 Aug 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah I read this story beacuse of the title too. Anyways this is a really intresting concept. I'm excited to see where this goes. 8.9/10
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