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HBO Fan Fiction
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4351
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GreekElite
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
Posts: 64
Location: WIsconsin
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 Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 7:42 pm Post subject: |
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Ok, before anyone says it, yes, i used "I call shotgun" incorrectly. I already got a HUGE complaint from my friend about it and i regret putting that in. Besides that, I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR COMMENTS, however it may be a while till i come out with the newest installation of Alien Brethren due to new computer reasons. I know you're all excited AND YOU SHOULD BE  ! Anyways, i hope you enjoy this chapter and hope you're looking forward to the next chapter (NOTE: if you're lucky, i'll send 2 chapters as my next fan fiction submit) |
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Pooman
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Joined: 18 Aug 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Kentucky
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| Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 2:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Don't worry about it. I would have never noticed that mistake. First of all... I LOVE THAT GRUNT! It's so adorable. This was a great chapter. Poor Baxter, now I have an understanding of his past. Good job on that. Keep up the near perfect work. 9.6/10. PS: Maybe I should know this but what is Kaskut's ranking? and Lib's? |
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Almierto
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Joined: 16 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 1:49 am Post subject: |
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| [color=blue]This is great work!!!![/color] |
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Gammamee
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Joined: 08 Sep 2005
Posts: 46
Location: The only place a man can call home...his home...
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| Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 7:22 pm Post subject: Story |
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| Nice story, this was probably, in my opinon, the best chapter of the Alien Brethren series. I don't like, (No offense) that you have the multiplayer maps as battlefields and environments, I had Burial Mounds in the Heretic Hero prologue, but I didn't even describe it I just said 'Gammamee was in Burial Mounds mending his sword burns from where the Arbiter slashed him. Relic, Burial Mounds, Zanzibar, I am looking forward to something a bit more imagining. All I do is pick a simple place and cluster adjectives in it with intricate architecture. Like the beggining of the Heretic Hero, "Renewal" where I have a Phantom coming over a landscape of hills to a primary canyon, and into a bastion with a waterfall in it. Then I go into a weave of corridors, cue to Heretic Exodus, then a tunnel, where a Covenant mortar shatters the tunnel. And Hydra and the other Marines and Heretics are placed in a jail. The jail runs under a creek in a battlefield by a spire. I am not going into detail so that is that. But I enjoy Alien Bretren, I am starting to like Kasket the little Engineer, "Grunt" as part of the team. This story also had a lot of cussing in it, I mean I try to avoid it...(Yes, I am a good boy, actually there is a HALO! on my head) And the flashback of Sergeant Baxter was pretty neat, kind of like a "Life flashing before eyes" experience. You keep writing, I'll keep reading! |
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GreekElite
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
Posts: 64
Location: WIsconsin
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| Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 11:04 pm Post subject: Re: Story |
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| Gammamee wrote: | | Nice story, this was probably, in my opinon, the best chapter of the Alien Brethren series. I don't like, (No offense) that you have the multiplayer maps as battlefields and environments, I had Burial Mounds in the Heretic Hero prologue, but I didn't even describe it I just said 'Gammamee was in Burial Mounds mending his sword burns from where the Arbiter slashed him. Relic, Burial Mounds, Zanzibar, I am looking forward to something a bit more imagining. All I do is pick a simple place and cluster adjectives in it with intricate architecture. Like the beggining of the Heretic Hero, "Renewal" where I have a Phantom coming over a landscape of hills to a primary canyon, and into a bastion with a waterfall in it. Then I go into a weave of corridors, cue to Heretic Exodus, then a tunnel, where a Covenant mortar shatters the tunnel. And Hydra and the other Marines and Heretics are placed in a jail. The jail runs under a creek in a battlefield by a spire. I am not going into detail so that is that. But I enjoy Alien Bretren, I am starting to like Kasket the little Engineer, "Grunt" as part of the team. This story also had a lot of cussing in it, I mean I try to avoid it...(Yes, I am a good boy, actually there is a HALO! on my head) And the flashback of Sergeant Baxter was pretty neat, kind of like a "Life flashing before eyes" experience. You keep writing, I'll keep reading! |
thanks for your input as always Gammamee. I hope you read my explanations to your questions otherwise i may not be using your replies as posts...Anyways, I use mulitplayer maps because I like tieing in the places to the story so they're just places where people gather to kill fest. I like to tell a small story behind it. Sure we can assume Turf is near the place where the mighty Scarab came through, and oh yea Collosus does seem to be the place where the Heretics were when Arbiter arrived, but I like using these maps to explain another purpose to them and so that when people read my stories they can smile and say "Oh yea I know where that is" or "I know that place, its my favorite killing spot." Mulitplayer maps are inspirational to me so I tend to use them. NOTE: For sure there's going to be two or three more Map references (if you must know the maps will be Backwash, Containment, and Waterworks).
Yes I realize THIS story/chapter had more cussing in it then the others for a few reasons. A. I wanted to show lots of hate that Baxter was feeling. The swearing was used primarily by swearing. B. i wanted to show why Baxter gets pissed off when people call him Bastard, because that's what he is in literal terms of a bastard. C. I thought that one chapter i'd let a few more cusses slip by. I'm not sure you'll find as many swears in any other chapter then this one though. Yes i also have a halo over my head and only resort swearing when i'm not verbaly saying it (hence stories and AIM). I think i was a bit agitated when i was typing that chapter, that might explain it.
Don't worry, there should be a few more flashbacks coming up, maybe not so many with Baxter but definatly look forward to other stories being told. ENJOY THE SERIES AND THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS! |
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