HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

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Dark Halo – Chronicles of Fright (part 05): Drabble This
Posted by Wado (wyamauchi@msn.com)
11 October 2005, 1:33 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Wado1011050133221.html

[thedarkfire]

A Grunt? Ok mate that's just wacky.
It almost seemed too human.

You one of the few who could, however, pull off the whole film noir thing. For that alone this story is worth praise.

I can't believe you posted....

[Chuckles]

Nice, although I'm not big on dark stories

Your use of first-person was gripping, brutal and effective. And while I'm not sure that a Grunt could actually knock an Elite backwards with his shoulder (360 spin or no) I liked that short action sequence. The idea of this haunted, tough-as-nails and world-wise Grunt breaking out his "whooping stick" and schooling an Elite . . . heck of a way to introduce a character. It was also nice to read a fanfic that successfully set a mood--and a dark one at that. This was smooth and polished, and I only saw one error (a repeated phrase). Glad to see you bringing Dark Halo back.

C.T. Clown

[SYSTEM]

The style of writing is short, biting, and gets pretty aggressive in terms of sentence structure, which further helps to drive the dark, tight style home.

I only have problems with a few sentences, but I figured they were done intentionally and as a stylistic device to omit further details to not upstage the careful settings of first person. With the deeper details stripped away, I guess most of the focus is on the character itself.

That's pretty cool, there.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

[Wellington]

Not every day you associate dark and contemplative with Grunts, but hey, if you can pull it off...

I hope only two problems: one was, as others have said, the Grunt's ability to knock back and kill an Elite more than twice its size... and didn't it have shields? Also, your use of an extended "Nooooooo" seemed to me a bit cheesy and unnecessary.

Sorry to make the negative seem to outweigh the positive, but with your status people basically just assume its quality anyway, and rightly so

4/5

[Wado]

Thanks for the comments.

The main character, Zax Rellius, is an exceptional Grunt. Some of you may recall him from my Shadows of Archon series.

As for answering the questions about a Grunt taking on an Elite, no the Elite did not have shields, he did not even have weapons as all his power cells were empty. Zax didn't kill the Elite either, the Elite killed himself.

As for actual combat, combat is very complex consisting of many factors. One of these factors which is very difficult to measure is timing. Call it luck or call it skill, it can't be taught, it can only be learned through experience. Walking the walk. Having spent more than half my life fighting, studying and teaching martial arts, I can say that the idea was simply timing and luck on the part of Zax, he uprooted the Elite, then gravity aided in knocking him back.

Believe it or not, often it is best to be the luckiest, not the most skilled or deadly. Some people get stabbed a dozen times, end up making it to medical aid and living. Another person gets stabbed one time, ends up dieing from it. There is nothing that you can be completely prepared for.

[SYSTEM]

That is a fact. I've seen guys who know Martial arts get in fights in the schoolyard, and then even though they're throwing really flashy spinkicks and cool thrusts get their butts whopped by American-style boxing punches. I used to take Karate and I figured I was able to handle the bullies; but even though I threw killer spinkicks and such, I still got my butt whopped. Until I discovered the magic of charging in and stomping on my opponent's toe or crushing their knee with a sucker punch. Sometimes the guys throwing boxing punches are just more fortunate, but most of the time they're big fat bullies that got the lucky first hit. Zax was lucky, because he got the one lucky hit.

Real street fights aren't like in Soul Calibur or KOF, because A, you can't yell "Power Wave!" smack the ground and expect an explosion of flames and energy to ripple out toward your enemy and engulf them in a raging inferno; and B, because it's the one who gets the lucky hit that is the one that wins the match. Not the one that can block, parry, and execute combos.


Luck; yep, that's a cruicial factor in determining who gets that lucky hit.

This also proves true for John; he isn't the strongest, nor the fastest, and he's not the best in any way*, but because he's a player character, and player characters always respawn. Oh, and in the books, he's the most fortunate too.

Actually, yes, I didn't notice the 'Noooooo!' Sucks to me for not seeing that! Gah, how much secondhand smoke did I inhale today at the bus stop?

- Dave.

* John: John actually isn't the best guitarist of TFMCBG either...
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

[Wado]

Dave "Luck" talking about LUCK...lol

Good points Dave. I don't remember exactly where, but I do recall reading in The Fall of Reach that John 117 was very lucky. That may be one of his biggest contributing factors when it comes to him doing what he does best.

[Wado]

[thedarkfire]

Yea it was.

Anyway, this isn't the place for this but me doing martial arts longer than I haven't done MA, I must say this...

[Wado]

It's good to see fellow martial artists on the forum. However, keep anything that can be viewed as a personal attack off of this forum... meaning that unless you know the person personally, be careful the way things are said as it is very easy to intepret statements differently without personal context and experiences to qualify the statements.

Anyway, cool that you've studied karate Dave. I started out in and got my first black belt in Goju-ryu Karatedo. I met up with my first instructor last year (hadn't seen him in twenty years) and it was a great experience.

Morale of the story is that as an author of fan fiction, I feel that, there are some things that are best understood through personal experience, or what I would say walking the walk or getting as close to it in training as you can also helps. This can add realism and context to your stories. You can use your experiences in karate Dave to add something to your stories, for instance. Same with you Darkfire. Your experiences in martial arts and life can be put into your stories to add to them.

[thedarkfire]

I did notice that in you story Wado. Although I could have sworn it was of a person of equal stature.

Ahh forgive me, it was late at night and I was cranky. But my spin-kick reasoning sill stands, not as an attack towards Sr. Luck.

[Tin Can Man]