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In the Bush

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 1:29 pm    Post subject: In the Bush Reply with quote

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In the Bush
Posted by WereMidget (giggzy_returns@hotmail.com)
10 October 2005, 6:15 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=WereMidget1010050615311.html
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mplacki
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Joined: 19 Jul 2005
Posts: 50
Location: Ann Arbor, MI

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Hey I know this story lacks use of the "code" but I really don't care, if the layout actually does hurt your eyes my advice is to do your best reading this and see an optician.


You deserve every flame you get. If you want people to read your story and give meaningful comments, use the code. I'm sure other people will tell you the same thing.

I have better things to use my eyes for than reading a Text Wall of Doom.
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

WereMidget wrote:
Quote:
Hey I know this story lacks use of the "code" but I really don't care, if the layout actually does hurt your eyes my advice is to do your best reading this and see an optician.

Your unwise author's note will, unfortunately, guarantee two things for you. First, almost no one will read or review your story. You just told everyone that you can't be bothered to make your story easier on the eyes and if they have a problem with that, tough. Most folks on here will read your rude note and just move on to another story. Your loss.

The second thing that your author's note will guarantee is that you will get some fairly irate comments. Not from people who read your story, but from people who are ticked off about your silly note. Why? Because you came right out and said that you knew about the Code (or at least knew that it existed) but chose not to find out about it or use it. Heck, you didn't even bother to put spaces between your paragraphs--how hard is that? Bottom line is that you will be seen as rude. Not a great way to get started.

As for me, I probably would have read this, but (you guessed it) your note turned me off. If you post on here again, take the time to do it right and don't cripple yourself with an arrogant opening comment. A little bit of courtesy can go a long way. And, as I'm afraid you're about to find out, a little bit of rudeness goes a long way too.

C.T. Clown
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thedarkfire
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Joined: 03 Aug 2004
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Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 5:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe you should see an ass doctor.
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Swift'n'Painful
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Joined: 28 Aug 2004
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Location: Just think about it...

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 12:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

...Like the other three people have already said, that stupid and idiotic comment at the beginning represents nothing but sheer laziness about the author. If you ever decide to post another story here again, think about what your actually doing instead of being a little PRICK!
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Caleb the Jackal
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Joined: 11 Jan 2005
Posts: 369
Location: Are you crazy!?

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 12:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow... Okay I am going to put aside that lazy ass AN. And comment on your story...

I read it just so I could see if you were arrogant for a reason. Guess what? You weren't. If your writing was spectacular like say Chuckles or Jillybean or Russ then I might have overlooked that stupid comment.

But alas your story wasn't any good at all. I will not tell you how you can improve because you are obviously better than all of us humble writers at HBOFF. We no nothing that could possibly help you at all.

So you will be a sucky writer just like all of us forever. Have a nice day... Prick.

Caleb

I rate this Fic a -10/10
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Wellington
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Joined: 30 Sep 2005
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 7:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can see this isn't worth time it would take to read, so...
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Syotica
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Joined: 26 Sep 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 7:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Horrible. Lack of punctuation, and no point in reading it if you don't bother to use the psuedocode, something us here at HBOFF treasure.
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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Location: Here.

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm...

Well, I can't say that I directly agree with the forward insults, but I do agree fully with Chuckles on this one. You cannote expect to get any readers at all if you maintain such an attitude. For one, it is us who will be reading your story, and so it is your job to make that process the most pleasant for us. If you are so inclined as to not, you will see the same enthusiasm for in comments about your story.

Lazyness does not make a good story. Believe me, I've seen people try to be lazy and write a good story, and it just doesn't work. You have to put something in to get something out, and the more you put in, the more you get out. The equation is very simple.


To be honest, I was highly inclined to read your story, even after reading through the comments posted. I really was. I wanted to see what was there. But, after thinking over the attitude that you started at the very beginning with, I could not bring myself to point out the smaller things in your writing.

If you will not push yourself to pick up the most basic concepts of writing here, then giving you advice on other items that need improvement would no little to no good. I am sorry, I really am. I hope that you take this suggestion to heart, and start writing using coding and formatting. You obviously have knowledge of these things, why not implement them and make your writing that much better?

Good luck in the future.
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Urk
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Joined: 11 Oct 2005
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Serious editing is in order.

Quote:
He glanced up and seen the Covenant Jackal wrestling with it's glowing weapon, perched high up on a branch. But as the Private looked up the Jackal righted the weapon and began attempting to destroy his target again.


There are several tense and perspective issues here, not to mention needless repetition.

He glanced up. The Jackal is perched high up. The Private looked up.

The Jackal is wrestling with his weapon. He righted the weapon. He uses the weapon.

If you care to finish the work, you should take a hard look at these mechanical flaws. They make it very difficult to read all the way through to the end.

Good luck.
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SYSTEM
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 9:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Should I lock this comment page? I think there's a storm coming.

And about commenting, kid, I'm doing the best I can to bite my tongue.

- Dave.
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Torr
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Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 14

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Dave Luck is not as forgiving as I am." Haha gotta love those Vader quotes...

The story has a lot of mistakes and like mentioned before you totally messed up with the pretense and present tense stuff.

The Code is really pretty helpful.
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