HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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"Absolution" from "The Cradle of Life"
Posted By: Insomnia
Date: 8 October 2005, 5:12 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Insomnia100805051236

Syotica · Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:35 pm Post subject:

Odd.....no link to the story.

('Tis my story)

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Insomnia1008050512361.html

There ya go.

Pooman · Member Joined: 18 Aug 2005 Posts: 86 Location: Kentucky

This was good, Kind of confusing though. Who or what was the creature in the woods that the Elite trio killed? 8.8/10

Torr · Member Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 14

That was really good, and I only noticed one or two small mistakes or instances where I would have used different wording, but it was a great story.

I'm still wondering about that thing they were chasing. Could it have been a spartan, a brute or even a flood juggernaut or something.

Great story, shows how much the Covenant hate the human race.

I have one question. Does this take place before or after the invasion of Earth. If before, is it before Reach as well?

Thanks for the great read.

8/10

SYSTEM · Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:07 am Post subject:

Alright 'Som, I edited it and fixed using the link.

Thanks, my pleasure to help out.

The Northern Taiga? Oops, Capital. Yeah, I get that all the time. Don't worry too much about that.

Alright, aside from the stuff we talked about last night, nothing really. Looking good there, I like the styles and the setting, I like how you made the characters seem IN the setting, not just 'there.' Thumbs up to you for that!

Catch you later,

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

Syotica · Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:17 am Post subject:

Yeah, it was a bit confusing huh?

This was an invasion of Earth. Me, Solidus, and possibly Commander Demitri Wolf and Mark Lieberg are working on it. I wrote it up and got it proofread by Dave in one night. Mind you it was midnight when I did this.

Edit by Dave: Oops, 'Som, sorry, I had to edit out that little spelling mistake. Aw well.

Pooman · Member Joined: 18 Aug 2005 Posts: 86 Location: Kentucky

Gah! Yes it was!! So who was the figure in the woods? I must know.

Syotica · Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:23 am Post subject:

An ancient creature guarding the "Cradle of Life", or in this series what the Covenant believe to be the Ark.

Dave, where's MY hell yeah? Razz

SYSTEM · Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:44 am Post subject:

- AACK!

- ...

- Oh yeah, and a Hell Yeah to you too!

Yeah, a Hell Yeah for making the characters seem that they were in the setting, not just placed with a backdrop. In a very faced-paced piece that's very hard to do, and I thought you pulled that off very well, and for that, the Hell Yeah is yours!

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

Guardian · Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:47 am Post subject:

T'was good, but i won't nit-pick unless you want me too.

HELL YEAH!

russ687 · Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 2:55 pm Post subject:

Very good job.

There were some GPS mistakes here and there, but a few always slip by despite the best proof reading. Your flow was good, and descriptions were right on par. I would have liked to hear more scenery descriptions about that old forest, or maybe the towns, but I was able to get by without them. I would have also enjoyed a more drawn-out scene of the three Elites with that "shadow," making it more onimous or tactful, but for the short length of this story I thought it was done well.

Keep up the good work.

-Russ

Mark Lieberg · Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 11:36 am Post subject:

I just hope everyone is still up to writing 'The Cradle of Life'.

Btw. I wrote more on my part. Ill send to you once i see ya.
good story.
_________________
Mark Lieberg
#179/1204
"Studying Computer Information Systems (That's Programming for you retards out there)"

Wellington · Member Joined: 30 Sep 2005 Posts: 110 Location: Canada

I liked it. Aside from one or two spelling errors one instance of repetition it was technically very good.

In terms of material it was intriguing. I loved how descriptive you were with the introduction. I also really liked how the Elites were portrayed as stoic fanatics as one would assume they would be. Sometimes people tend to humanize them too much.

I also found it slightly confusing though I got the impression it was intentionally so and will be explained later on... that is if there is a "to be continued"... I hope there is!

4/5

mplacki · Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 6:48 pm Post subject:

Nice one! Good details, and nice flow - I just wish it was longer. (I know I'm a hyprocrite writing that. Razz

)

Looking forward to more!

Syotica · Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 7:36 pm Post subject:

Thanks everyone. Smile